TurquoiseMouse
New member
I'll try to make this as NOT ridiculously long as possible, and thanks in advance for reading!
I'm a bi woman in my late twenties who has been dating a fantastic guy for 6 years. He has given me permission to kiss my close girl friends who he is also friends with and can "trust," friends of mine that I used to make out with (and sometimes a little more) when I was single, but was never in any kind of structured relationship with any of them, other than just being best friends. Good, right, boundaries and all. I totally agree with him. However, we've lived in a state far away from friends and family for a few years, so I haven't had any close girl friends that he can trust for a while, if you get my drift.
We went back to our home state for Xmas this year to visit family and friends, and he came down with a stomach bug so I hung out with most of our friends without him. I kissed one of my close girl friends a few times, that was great.
There was also a party with a lot of my friends that I've known longer than I've known BF, mostly guys. One guy used to date one of my very close friends for a long time before they broke it off (he was also okay with his GF and I kissing). He's now in an open relationship with a new girl. I knew this guy and his previous GF, still one of my best friends, both before they knew each other. Long story short, lots of drinks were had, and my guy friend surprise kissed me, and wanted to do more. I told him no, that my BF wouldn't approve, and that was that.
The next day I told my BF what had happened. BF laughed and didn't seem upset, said "people do stupid things when they're drunk," and that "it probably wasn't the first time one of your guy friends have tried to kiss you," and that was that.
But of course, here's the part I'm confused about: I really like that he kissed me. I didn't let anything else happen because I wouldn't cheat (have been cheated on before), but I really wanted to. And the more I've been thinking about it, I realize I've lived away from my best friends for a while and haven't kissed anyone but my BF in 2 years. I LOVE kissing my boyfriend, but I also just love kissing people--other people, it's different. Everyone's different.
And, since I'm bi, in my head, kissing my girl friends is no different than kissing guy friends would be--but to BF, it is, which I totally understand from his perspective (that was the whole thing that guy friend was saying though, he knows I'm allowed to make out with my close girl friends, "so why not me?" he asked. I said, because I hadn't been approved to, haha).
So, do I secretly just really like my guy friend? We are very close friends, and he is attractive, but he was always one of my best girl friend's boyfriends, so I never even entertained the thought of kissing him.
Or, am I just having some kind of mid-life crisis as I'm almost 30 and am getting cold feet about "settling down" in my long-term relationship?
Or, am I not content with just kissing/being with one person--and does that A) make me selfish, or B) mean that I'm just not very monogamous?
When thinking about having some sort of open relationship, I'm not sure how I feel yet. I feel like I WOULD be jealous if BF wanted to kiss other people, but maybe that's just because I WAS jealous when I was cheated on by ex-boyfriends in the past. Permission wouldn't be cheating and I might be okay with that. But that's what makes me feel selfish; I would like to kiss other people but not sure I want my BF to, ha. I would never want to hurt my BF, and I also don't want to make him insecure or want to leave me (I've never been the kind of girl who can't wait to get married, but if he asked I would say yes--love him to bits). I don't want to ruin things, basically. But I feel like there's some part of me telling me I would be so much happier being a bit more of a free-spirit.
I've been trying to do some research on my own, but I'm still so confused and full of lots of mixed up and changing feelings. I also hope I don't come off as insensitive to anyone here, I'm pretty new to all these ideas (aside from making out with my girl friends, which I just never really stopped and thought about, I suppose).
So thank you again to those who got through this mess of abstract thoughts and to anyone who can offer me insight and advice.
I'm a bi woman in my late twenties who has been dating a fantastic guy for 6 years. He has given me permission to kiss my close girl friends who he is also friends with and can "trust," friends of mine that I used to make out with (and sometimes a little more) when I was single, but was never in any kind of structured relationship with any of them, other than just being best friends. Good, right, boundaries and all. I totally agree with him. However, we've lived in a state far away from friends and family for a few years, so I haven't had any close girl friends that he can trust for a while, if you get my drift.
We went back to our home state for Xmas this year to visit family and friends, and he came down with a stomach bug so I hung out with most of our friends without him. I kissed one of my close girl friends a few times, that was great.
There was also a party with a lot of my friends that I've known longer than I've known BF, mostly guys. One guy used to date one of my very close friends for a long time before they broke it off (he was also okay with his GF and I kissing). He's now in an open relationship with a new girl. I knew this guy and his previous GF, still one of my best friends, both before they knew each other. Long story short, lots of drinks were had, and my guy friend surprise kissed me, and wanted to do more. I told him no, that my BF wouldn't approve, and that was that.
The next day I told my BF what had happened. BF laughed and didn't seem upset, said "people do stupid things when they're drunk," and that "it probably wasn't the first time one of your guy friends have tried to kiss you," and that was that.
But of course, here's the part I'm confused about: I really like that he kissed me. I didn't let anything else happen because I wouldn't cheat (have been cheated on before), but I really wanted to. And the more I've been thinking about it, I realize I've lived away from my best friends for a while and haven't kissed anyone but my BF in 2 years. I LOVE kissing my boyfriend, but I also just love kissing people--other people, it's different. Everyone's different.
And, since I'm bi, in my head, kissing my girl friends is no different than kissing guy friends would be--but to BF, it is, which I totally understand from his perspective (that was the whole thing that guy friend was saying though, he knows I'm allowed to make out with my close girl friends, "so why not me?" he asked. I said, because I hadn't been approved to, haha).
So, do I secretly just really like my guy friend? We are very close friends, and he is attractive, but he was always one of my best girl friend's boyfriends, so I never even entertained the thought of kissing him.
Or, am I just having some kind of mid-life crisis as I'm almost 30 and am getting cold feet about "settling down" in my long-term relationship?
Or, am I not content with just kissing/being with one person--and does that A) make me selfish, or B) mean that I'm just not very monogamous?
When thinking about having some sort of open relationship, I'm not sure how I feel yet. I feel like I WOULD be jealous if BF wanted to kiss other people, but maybe that's just because I WAS jealous when I was cheated on by ex-boyfriends in the past. Permission wouldn't be cheating and I might be okay with that. But that's what makes me feel selfish; I would like to kiss other people but not sure I want my BF to, ha. I would never want to hurt my BF, and I also don't want to make him insecure or want to leave me (I've never been the kind of girl who can't wait to get married, but if he asked I would say yes--love him to bits). I don't want to ruin things, basically. But I feel like there's some part of me telling me I would be so much happier being a bit more of a free-spirit.
I've been trying to do some research on my own, but I'm still so confused and full of lots of mixed up and changing feelings. I also hope I don't come off as insensitive to anyone here, I'm pretty new to all these ideas (aside from making out with my girl friends, which I just never really stopped and thought about, I suppose).
So thank you again to those who got through this mess of abstract thoughts and to anyone who can offer me insight and advice.