Thread: Disentanglement
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Old 07-02-2020, 10:14 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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"Thanks again Kev for sharing. Was this story/facts out on the forum? I don't recall any of this."
You should be able to review all of those facts/story in the first two posts of my blog. Brother-Husband is listed (in those posts) as BH, Snowbunny as LH (which stands for "Lady Hinge"). My wife is listed as LV.

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"I thought your wife having Alzheimer's was sort of the driving force behind you being poly."
I guess you could say that that was part of the equation behind the increasing involvement/closeness between the four of us (BH, LH, LV, and me). Although what really changed things between LH (Snowbunny) and me (from platonic to romantic) was the increasingly-long emails the two of us exchanged.

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"So this started from an emotional affair or was cheating/sex going on?"
I guess you could call it an emotional affair ... although Snowbunny did tell her husband early on about her feelings for me. I would even say that that was not entirely news to him; she and I were already spending a lot of time together (with his blessing), and he would jokingly say to her that I was "her boyfriend."

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'I don't think they did any disentangling per se. They did make room in their schedules for me, both me with just Snowbunny and me with both of them. He and I also have platonic activities together, mostly watching stuff on TV.'
I think that counts. Would you say they're pretty independent and didn't need such disentangling?"
I suppose they weren't overly entangled. Depends on how you define it. I wouldn't say they were attached at the hip.

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"Do you and Snowbunny go on vacations or extended trips, etc.?"
We've spent up to a week at a time, just the two of us, in Utah. We've done that two or three times. Other times, all three of us stayed in Utah.

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"In your blog it always sounds like the three of you."
We do quite a bit of stuff together as a trio, but we also do quite a bit of stuff together just two at a time.

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'I actually lived with them before Snowbunny and I developed feelings for each other.'
How did that happen and did that continue after the announcement of the two of you falling in love?"
The living together happened partly as a way to make it easier for the three of us to take care of LV ... but it also happened as just four friends who wanted to live together. Yes it continued after Snowbunny and I developed the feelings for each other.

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'If I remember right, they did a road trip and ate out together, at a new place called Farm to Table. Brother-Husband gave the restaurant rave reviews, and said he wants me to try it in the future.
I think they would have taken a plane out of state and spent at least a couple of days at a hotel or whatnot ... were it not for the Covid crisis. They might do something more extravagant for their anniversary next year.'
And your anniversary with Snowbunny? Same same?"
Nothing for just the two of us. We do have moderate celebrations (eating out at a nice place) for the anniversaries of our three-person handfasting. The three of us do that together.

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"Do you remember what happened the first year you were part of the clan?"
To my best recollection, he and she had their "regular" anniversary celebration just as they would have if I had not been there. I did not take part in that celebration, and have not in any of the years since then. Which is fine by me, I'm not what you'd call a holiday-and-special-occasion type of guy anyway.

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"Was he excited and psyched up for it then?"
I would say he was pretty excited about the new poly arrangement, but if you are asking about their first anniversary after the poly started, then yes, I would say that he was pretty excited about that celebration as well. Brother-Husband doesn't usually overthink things, and he is good at living in the moment.

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"It sounds like it could have been pretty fragile the first couple of years, and even her wearing the pants and pushing something like this, if he's turned the other way in which he doesn't care about such things anymore, it really ceases to have the desired effect; it could easily be dropped."
It's fair to say that we had some fragile/rough times during our first few years together, but those were just difficulties in getting along together and in making things work. I would not say that we were having second thoughts about being poly with each other, we were just having some struggles about how to make it all work.

Also I would not say that their marriage was weakened in any way, nor was their desire to celebrate their anniversaries weakened. I guess you could say their anniversaries are compartmentalized. They are not grouped together with our poly status. When they are celebrating their anniversaries, I am "just a friend." It's always been like that.

I don't know if I have read all your questions correctly, and I don't know if I have replied in the way you had in mind. If not, just ask me some follow-up questions, I'm always glad to answer questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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