Thread: Disentanglement
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Old 06-30-2020, 09:48 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Re (from dingedheart):
"Thanks for sharing your story. Were they open prior to you becoming involved?"
No, they weren't.

"How did they decide to open up their marriage?"
Snowbunny (the wife) and I fell in love, at the time we did not know about poly, Snowbunny did some web research and discovered poly, then she sat down with her husband and asked him if he would be willing to try it. Mind you, he did not say yes right away. They had many talks over the course of about a year. Eventually he said okay.

"Did they do any of the disentangling steps or prep prior to opening?"
I don't think they did any disentangling per se. They did make room in their schedules for me, both me with just Snowbunny and me with both of them (platonic activities). He and I (I refer to him here as Brother-Husband) also have platonic activities together, mostly watching stuff on TV.

"And how did you all decide to live together, and how long had you been dating at that point?"
I actually lived with them (part-time) before Snowbunny and I developed feelings for each other.

"Also you said they observed or celebrated the 25th wedding anniversary. Was this a big thing for them or was it exchanging cards and dinner at your favorite taco place?"
If I remember right, they did a road trip and ate out together, at a new place (new for us) called Farm to Table. Brother-Husband gave the restaurant rave reviews, and said he wants me to try it in the future.

I think they would have taken a plane out of state and spent at least a couple of days at a hotel or whatnot ... were it not for the Covid crisis. They might do something more extravagant for their anniversary next year.

"It's interesting that you said you're okay with that ... and I completely believe you are okay with that, but I wonder if, subconsciously or maybe consciously, if a mono spouse such as myself way back when wasn't trying to say, 'Here's one thing you can't take away.'"
To be honest Snowbunny "wears the pants" in this house, and it's primarily her idea to keep the anniversaries going. I will say she makes the right call, as Brother-Husband is a holiday-and-special-occasion type of guy, and he would be sorely disappointed if their anniversaries went away. Heck and as for me, maybe my okayness is my way of saying, "Here's one thing I won't take away."

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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