Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

I just started a new okcupid profile and its bedn pretty great. I put that I'm poly looking to connect with other poly folks (not swingers) and that people looking for casual sex need not message me. I just ignore all the " you're so gorgeous" messages. I've had some really good conversations and now texting with a poly, pansexual guy that I'm highly compatible. So many geeky people on OC *SWOON*
 
I've found there's a strong correlation between pictures, especially sexy or cute ones, and creepy messages for sex-crazed jerks. I try to keep mine to a minimum and usually unidentifiable.

Also, uncheck casual sex. That affects whose profiles you show up on. If you're really only looking for long term, then maybe even check only that. But you might narrow the field too much.

Another good idea is to answer lots of polyamory related questions, with corresponding the corresponding answers marked "mandatory." That helps improve your %age match with like-minded people.
 
It might just be the reason "Jack" wasn't messaging you, but Jerk was.
 
I only have long term relationships checked off, as I am not at all interested in casual sex right now. :)
 
Definitely getting several messages from mono guys "interested in exploring poly" with me. I think this is code for hooking up regularly with no strings attached. Delete!

My poly guy lunch on Friday turned into a park date on Saturday and bam! I got hit with NRE bad. I didn't think it would hit that quickly, especially since I liked him enough to go have a second date, but I wasn't really thinking it was anything more awesome than my two dates with a different guy that I've had. I am seriously crushing hard right now! Third date scheduled for Tuesday. We've sent SO many long emails over the past week and had a very meaningful Facebook chat that lasted a couple of hours last night. He is feeling the same connection, and is surprised as well. His wife is very excited for him, and my husband is happy too.

Trying to slow my racing heart down and breathe a bit. I don't want to screw this up. The difference between my two week experiment with my mono-friend that ended in failure and the couple other dates I've had with the open-relationship-friendly guy are so different from this experience. Actually being with an honest-to-goodness poly person ratchets down my stress level SO much. I should have anticipated that, but I didn't. He totally gets everything I am talking about and is interested in my family & husband. It's really great.
 
Ah-good read-great reminders as to why I don't do online dating. BLECH!

If I were going to-I wouldn't put a pic on there. I had an OKC for awhile-so Maca could link to mine (because women didn't believe his wife was "OK" with him dating).

I got so disgusted with the shit sent to me. My profile was so locked down and specific and "high maintenance" I suppose-because I was point blank that I wasn't looking for ANYONE TO HAVE SEX WITH EVER PERIOD. The only pic was Maca and I kissing.
But I still got dick pics, "you're so hot wanna fuck" etc. Fucking asinine.
 
Burnt out on okcupid

:rolleyes: I'm slightly overwhelmed with my messages on okc. The quantity has gone down a little bit in the last week but I still get at least 10 a day. If I have energy & I am not interested I will say so, but I have tapered that off a bit since the recipient won't take a polite not interested response for what it is & still sends messages.

Okc is ok. I use to use plenty of fish & set up a new account to meet females but its disappointing. Appears more people use okc.

Of the contacts I am interested in, we chat but I verify they read my profile first. 90% don't & only contact me, not because of my face, but my chest. It's nice to be desired, but I'm looking for more than that. So its basically more of an on-line meat market but I do have faith I'll meet he/she that wants to get to know me.

I have met on there a few 30 minute away local poly couples to be friends with, but that's about it.
 
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Well, I disabled my account. Mr. Poly Guy and I had another awesome date and we both decided to concentrate on exploring our burgeoning relationship. I can only handle one boyfriend at a time and I'm tired of answering asinine emails, so, OKC is shut off to see how things progress. (He is disabling his account as well.) My NRE is telling me this is awesomesauce, but I guess time will tell! My new guy is meeting my husband in the next couple of days - my hubby is feeling crazy compersion right now and is so very happy for me. I am super happy too. :)
 
Coworkers and online dating

I am curious how people handle online dating. I use OkCupid and recently noticed a coworker also on the site. Since this isn't about a relationship, per se, I went with general discussions. :)

Some background as to why I am curious.. I am mostly out as poly. Friends know. The important family knows (parents, siblings). HOWEVER, I have never found it necessary to "come out" at work. I try not to talk about my personal life too much, and I just generally don't want to deal with the drama. Because I am fairly certain there would be drama.

I mostly work with about 6 other women. I see some of them multiple days a week, others only a few times a month. Most of them are single or only casually dating. They tend to have very traditional views, and most of them have given me odd looks at various times when I have made comments about open relationships being preferable to cheating (because some of them have a history of cheating and would talk about it or cheating will be on the tv/radio show that we're discussing or whatever).

So, I personally have not told them. Don't wanna deal with them looking at me oddly or potentially judging me. I know for a fact a couple of them don't really like me, and I don't want to give them a reason to really try looking for something that they can use to get rid of me. Now that I know at least one of them uses OKC (and since they are mostly all friends and OKC has interesting questions/quizzes I could easily see more following), which I also use regularly, I wonder if that should change.

Is it better to be open about it and be available for questions or is it better to just wait and see if anyone else notices my profile and/or brings it up? Has anyone else dealt with this?
 
Totally personal preference there.
All of us are open. My school associates know as do both guys bosses and primary coworkers. Mostly none care. Some are very conservative-but they don't get into it.
 
I'm out to most coworkers. If anyone I'm not out to would find me on OKC I would not really care.

but - here's a thought. I can't really tell from your post if your male, female, straight or bi - but if you're a straight female, looking for guys, and your coworkers are straight females looking for guys, the chance that you will 'run into each other' on OKC are very slim because you would never pop up in each others matches.

my husband recently found a casual acquaintance on OKC. I never would have seen her profile because I'm only looking at guys there :)
 
I would be careful if you live in the US in an 'employment at will' state. Your personal decision to be polyamorous can result in sanctions on the job, up to and including firing.

I don't say this to be alarmist-- when my relationship with a co-worker was discovered (we are both married, but are able to fraternize under our company's 'fraternization policy') we were both nearly fired because of the dissaproval of some key people in the office. The way it is, I lost any opportunity for a raise, and feel that my opportunities for growth at my office have all but disappeared.

It is unlikely that your personal choices will matter as much since you're not dating someone in your office. But, I would be cautious if you already feel vulnerable or unliked at your place of work. Being polyamorous is not protected under any laws, and employers can be unfair.
 
I would be careful if you live in the US in an 'employment at will' state. Your personal decision to be polyamorous can result in sanctions on the job, up to and including firing.

I don't say this to be alarmist-- when my relationship with a co-worker was discovered (we are both married, but are able to fraternize under our company's 'fraternization policy') we were both nearly fired because of the dissaproval of some key people in the office. The way it is, I lost any opportunity for a raise, and feel that my opportunities for growth at my office have all but disappeared.

It is unlikely that your personal choices will matter as much since you're not dating someone in your office. But, I would be cautious if you already feel vulnerable or unliked at your place of work. Being polyamorous is not protected under any laws, and employers can be unfair.

Who would want to work in such a place anyway?

I could come out at work, but there's some downside and zero upside, so it's not worth it. We've actually had some people with open relationships or alternative lifestyles and they weren't treated any differently. In fact there's a huge push for diversity, even though it's a big international corporation.
 
Who would want to work in such a place anyway?

Lots of people want to work in hospitals, schools, etc etc. You better be thankful that someone wants to work in those places
 
I am no longer employed but when I did work, I wouldn't have been able to come out. The industry I worked in, just not too accepting.

In relation to okc, it wasn't a co-worker I came across but another parent from my 15 year old's soccer team. He didn't want a date but to have sex. I let him know that dh and I were polyamorous, that I was not interested in him and would appreciate it stayed there at okc. We are not out yet, we just only began this journey. My teen does not need adults blabbing to their kids (even if his daughter is a lesbian) cuz that is only going to affect my daughter, not us. He took the turn down just fine and has not said anything.

But as other's before have posted, it depends if you are male or female and what you are looking for on okc. If you don't believe it's going to affect your employment, I wouldn't over think it.
 
I am a bi woman, she's a straight woman. I have the "looking for friends" box checked so straight women will show up on my feeds now and then because of that. I have no idea what her settings are to know whether or not I would ever show up in one of her random things.

In theory I could get fired over it, precisely because of the employment at will thing, however I don't really see it happening. I work in a field where there is a very high turnover rate and stability is coveted so if anything my company would probably transfer me to another location (still in the same city) if current coworkers decided they had a problem with me.

I think I was just a little freaked out because I didn't expect it. I have actually considered coming out before, since another coworker is interested in a few events that I attend. They are both poly and kink friendly, which she isn't aware of, the activities themselves sound fun to her so if I invited her along (as she has hinted she would appreciate), I would have to explain the situation to her beforehand. For some reason, doing it on MY terms doesn't scare me, but the idea of being "discovered" does. I am, apparently, not a fan of the unknown.
 
If you put that person on your blocked users list, you won't see them in searches or on your front page ticker and they won't see you either.

Also remember to go into your settings there and make sure you check the option to have your profile only searchable by members. If you don't make sure that is checked, it's public and shows up in search engines.
 
CIndie, that's a great point about public/private OKC!

My thoughts would be don't 'come out' at work but if someone asks (and your job wouldn't be in jeopardy) please say you're in an open relationship/marriage.

In order for the general population to become more accepting (ie eventually equal benefits as well please?) people need to know there are many happy 'open' relationships in the world. Unfortunately the only ones people tend hear about are the unhealthy ones so most people are very negative about 'open' relationships and say they never work.

My husband used an alias on OKC when he had a profile (b/c of concerns of being outed), do most people do that?

Of course if being 'out' would jeopardize anyone's employment, kudos to you for living your life your way and sucks our culture still demands you do so in secret:(
 
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