Novice seeking advice please

Unfortunately in a lot of cases guy's get involved in this to pretend to be more manly or dominant then they actually are.


Yes ...try to find things in this to learn from. However chasing the why questions might not be satisfying or productive....I did some of that for many months ...got me nothing but more anger or frustration.

Good luck D
 
I sincerely thank everyone for their responses made from the first day i posted.

Some really good advice, challenging questions that made me re-evaluate my thinking....i can absolutely see that when polyamory is practiced in a fully open and honest way it can be a wonderful thing.

Kudos to you all.

I would be ok for comments to be made from my ex master and the other if they felt so inclined.

@Dingedheart....one thing i cannot refute is that he is dominant and definitely not pretending to be something he is not. I won't chase the 'why' i promise.

@nycindie...thank you x
 
This is incredibly sad, but I have to say, not a complete surprise to me.

There are lots of posers in both the poly community and the bdsm community. They say one thing and do exactly the opposite - they don't even come close to living up to the goals that they are so willing to tell everyone about and expect them to stick to. Trying to identify them and avoid them (they are often quite predatory) is an art.

One of the other descriptions for poly (and swinging for that matter) is "responsible non-monogamy". What he did to you wasn't responsible, nor was it open and honest. In short, this is about as opposite to poly as you can get. They both cheated. Clear and simple.

I hope you can see from reading around here that there are other, far better, ways of doing this, where everyone can be happy and content. I'm really sad that this didn't work out for you.
 
CielDuMatin, thank you. I can see there are many happy and successful poly relationships who post on here and that is so lovely when everyone is content.

It is sad and yes, they both lied and cheated. It appears that they now want to carry on in the bdsm community as if they have done nothing wrong and are expecting me to support this. They have conveniently overlooked the lying bit and to others i am just the person who couldn't handle being poly.

Oh well, I believe what goes aroung comes around.
 
As a wise person once said "denial ain't just a river in Egypt".

I have seen more examples that I would care to of people who never learn from the poor outcomes that are the consequences of their behaviours, and perpetuate them.
 
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