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Old 03-01-2012, 04:40 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 827

I liked the article, especially after reading a fetlife thread posted by one of the more..vocal members...about how nobody should do poly if they aren't INNATELY" poly (which for him includes having no capability to experience jealousy). The author talked a lot about the harm people do in the learning curve relationships and said these people had no damn business being poly. Also said if they weren't born poly they had no right to try it, going as far as telling people who wanted any structure to how they did poly in THEIR relationship, or said they were jealous of an OSO, that they had no business dating. I can see how to a lot of outside observers that poly isn't going to work for people, even some other people were agreeing with a lot of his points. Let alone the fact that on fetlife I regularly see people think that poly ONLY means you must all live together in a house with the people you date (and ONLY date each other). So many erroneous viewpoints are going to lead to some negative opinions on the subject.

I agree that that first poly relationship for a lot of people can be hard, and some go on to have more drama and more crazy because they don't figure their shit out then and just keep making the same mistakes. Lots of people do learn and go on to have more balanced and healthy relationships but that's not what people tend to hear about. So many people come here asking for help in that first confusing poly attempt I can see why the author says so much of what he does, my observations are that people I meet that are new (as in brand new, whether it be first date or 3 months in new) to poly often are totally unrealistic about their expectations of how things will be and make all the mistakes that the people on this forum will gladly point out to them.

Now I'll admit I really only have observed coupled, generally long term married couples in this position of naivete/brand new poly in person, I don't know that his generalizations or my generalizations apply to singles people trying it for the first time, as I only know about that subject what I read here, and I know people come here for help and not to share how awesome they are doing right out of the gate. If I came to this forum to learn about poly I think I'd go away with the belief that its a stupid idea for at least 95% of the people who attempt it.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 03-01-2012 at 04:44 AM.
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