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Old 05-29-2010, 12:36 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Welcome to the forum! There are many wise folks here who can give you some good advice based on their own experiences.

So I have a few comments for you:

The fact that he wasn't totally open on his dating profile isn't that unusual, in my experience - many people omit stuff, bend the truth and some outright lie on there for whatever reason. With regards to poly, some are not "out" and are scared that they will be found out by colleagues or family. The main thing to me is that they were very up-front with you and that he was truly poly and not cheating on his wife! (for the record it bugs me that people can't be honest on dating sites, but still...)

It does sound exciting that you have found someone and that you get along with his wife - that's a huge step and can be a major hurdle.

Working out time and a level of commitment is something that you most definitely need to work out with them. I would advise you to work it out with all three of you sitting down, rather than just with him - love may be infinite but time isn't, and if he is going to be spending more time talking to you, that's less with his current wife. You need to be given some clear idea of whether your very legitimate expectations can be met or not, and how they will be met.

As for moving - my only advice is to do it for yourself, not for him. If you are thinking of moving and getting a new job, then do it for yourself. If you do it based on being closer to him this early in the relationship then if the relationship doesn't work out then you are up a creek without a paddle, and full of resentment of what you gave up for the sake of the failed relationship. So if you can find a job and a place to live that is an improvement in your life, and if it happens to be a lot closer to them, then great! If things fall through you have still made a good move for yourself.

Does this make sense?

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

Last edited by CielDuMatin; 05-30-2010 at 12:37 AM. Reason: typo
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