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Old 02-18-2013, 02:49 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,733

This is a thread my boyfriend wrote quite awhile ago now. I can't speak for him entirely, but I can attempt to capture what I know.

There have been many "friends" that have come and gone from my life since them. Some have stayed as friends. I tend to keep male company so it was never unusual for me to spend time with men that are not lovers. It took time and simply going out and spending time with men for him to see I could handle myself and did not need a keeper.

I know what his boundaries are and he knows mine. Its been as simple as NOT crossing them in order to keep us from worrying and afraid of what is going on between us and others. If something comes up that seems to be relevant in terms of going beyond friends then a pause to catch each other up is necessary. I am hoping he takes that in the future. I have since we have been together. This has hopefully built trust between us (although he claims he got to the trust thing on his own without my help).

Interestingly, I have been tested, since this thread, to be okay with HIM going out to hang out with female friends. He has done this and developed crushes on one or two. Or at least "put himself there" to see if he is, in fact, capable of love beyond monogamy.

Its a work in progress at the moment. Needless to say, there has been a huge learning curve and really, to me, the topic of this thread is almost laughable at this point about us. So much has changed in four years it seems bizarre that he even felt this way at one point. I kind of miss how simple it used to be. Such is the case when amidst change.
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Last edited by redpepper; 02-18-2013 at 03:56 AM.
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