MsWoodland
New member
How about just setting up a fetish section for all such things?
How about just setting up a fetish section for all such things?
(i.e. It's an idea worth considering but the change can't be made yet, for reasons outside the moderators' control.)The moderators discussed this and we agree that if there were BDSM or furries or what-have-you ASKING for a section of the forum where they could discuss their special issues as pertains to polyamory, that would be a stronger argument than creating a separate section to corral those types of threads just because some people are sick of seeing it come up in situations every so often.
However, we are long overdue for a conference with Olivier (the owner, who doesn't really participate in the discussion threads) and we plan to ask him if he would like to create a sub-forum (no pun intended) for any type of alternative lifestyle + poly, should people of like-mind choose to use that to mingle with each other. This is not something we are empowered to do without explicit permission from him.
Also, we do not expect this to happen before the forum software upgrade, which went into "testing" almost a year ago IIRC, and is supposed to have a section where people can be in more control over their own blogs.
I make no such assumption.You're making the assumption that all Doms are male and all subs are female?
There are female Dommes with male slaves or subs, and gay males and ardent feminist lesbians of both proclivities, Dom or sub, for example. (Google "On Our Backs" magazine.)
ii) "Feminist" means we aspire to a new kind of interpersonal relationships without inequalities and malaises rife in standard patriarchal society: powerful/powerless, master/servant, boss/worker, owner/owned, buyer/seller...
If you're looking for a how-to book of tying up your partner, techniques for using tools, what parts of the body are safe to strike, etc., you'll have to look elsewhere in other books that cover these subjects. If, on the other hand, you want to know why on Earth would anybody want to do this in the first place, you've hit the jackpot in "Radical Ecstasy."
If you think BDSM is all about cruelty, Dossie and Janet will convince you otherwise. They are incredibly articulate about psychological processes that are nearly impossible to describe. Come along with players on their journeys to the darkest, scariest parts of their minds and watch them emerge cleansed, whole, free, and (most importantly of all) LOVED by their play partners. Their role-plays may well be more effective than hypnosis or years of therapy on a shrink's couch. The authors feel their words do not do the experiences justice, but truly they are too modest.
I had the good fortune to meet Dossie and Janet at a Polyamory convention, having already read their classic "The Ethical Slut" which is far-and-away the best and most practical book about the dynamics of Polyamory. They are cool ladies who would be mistaken for ordinary vanilla if you didn't know otherwise. "Radical Ecstasy" is every bit as revelatory as "The Ethical Slut," opening up a whole new world for me.
At one point in reading it, I collapsed in cathartic laughter that made tears stream down my face, when I suddenly realized that I had always been fascinated with bondage games, even as early as age 8. My obsession with "Perils of Pauline" scenes became a source of enormous ridicule from my schoolmates, so embarrasing I never dared breathe a word of it to anyone for more than 30 years. At long last, Dossie and Janet proved that there was nothing wrong with me after all! I was merely trying to act out a logical resolution to the school-bully problem. My first-ever night at a BDSM club saw me tied to a St. Andrew's Cross while wearing the most demure, innocent, Victorian-vintage lace dress imaginable. Eventually, I might finally get to act out a resistance/takedown/rescue scene where I get chased all over the dungeon . . .
THANK YOU, Dossie and Janet, for sharing your amazing love with the world.
a) If I gave the idea that I'm "sick of seeing it come up in situations every so often", then I apologise. Different strokes for different folks. I may not understand, but I'm not sickened.
Hey! Keep your shirt on, OK?Alright alright GEEZUS -
How about "tired". Is that better than "sick"? "tired of seeing it come up in situations every so often". Ever heard of two little things called metaphor and hyperbole?
For crying out loud.... **I** apologize OK? for IMPLYING or ASSUMING that you or anyone else was "sickened".
No one can relax around here for a goddamned millisecond....
Temper, temper! I think you need a spanking.
Exactly. What I didn't mention under "among other things" is that I'm an Anarchist. (This word seems to conjure up for most US citizens - those who have even heard of it - a guy dressed in black with a bomb hidden under his cloak. And then there are those [mainly young] people who call themselves Anarchists, believing that it means "Destroy the System: We're against everything! No rules! Everybody can go fuck themselves!") I don't believe in presidents or prime ministers. They tell pretty lies to get people's votes and then they take the country into wars that nobody wants. (GWBush and Tony Blair are today both being lucratively bankrolled by Big Oil - "Thanks for the huge profits, guys!") Etc. etc. etc. And on a work level, I'd much rather work in a cooperative than in a company with a boss or a manager.@ MrFarFromRight, I understand why you wouldn't like D/s if you're against any power and any one being hierarchically higher than anyone else, period. I mean, that basically means being against the concept of a president or prime minister, a boss in a company, a manager... I personally don't get it.
I'd say that healing is possible in all kinds of circumstances, but a hierarchical healer/"sick patient" situation often leads more to patching over symptoms than true healing. If a doctor tells me what to do, what medicine to take, instead of talking over my case with me so that we reach a better understanding, I have my doubts. (So I prefer going to holistic healers, "alternative" medicine.)Emotional healing thru an inequal power exchange is quite common. "Good" Masters are interested in their sub's healing and emotional growth.
Had me laughing quite a while.Temper, temper! I think you need a spanking.
I'm hardly an expert on BDSM terminology or techniques. But personally I would not consider being blindfolded to constitute bondage. I agree with you 100% about helping to focus on your other senses. I once went to The Tate Gallery (a famous London art museum) when they had an exhibition "Art For The Blind". Because touching, feeling the pieces of art was encouraged, everybody had to wash their hands at the entrance. [One patron insisted that he wouldn't be touching anything, so there was no need for him to wash his hands. When the curator insisted, the patron walked off in a huff.] Although the museum didn't suggest it, my friend and I wanted to get into the whole idea of "Art For The Blind" and took turns closing our eyes and being led to the next piece, feeling without seeing. If I'd had a blindfold, I certainly would have put it on.But BDSM is about more than D/s. You also have BD and SM. And these aren't necessarily about power. You could think that being blindfolded is about power, but it could be about not being able to see so you can focus on your other senses and have a more intense experience.
I know that the vast majority are/were brought up to hope for this. And I'm no exception. But I'm trying to move as far away from that as possible.I mean, we all spend our lives hoping for others to make decisions for us.
Discussion on anarchy
If a doctor tells me what to do, what medicine to take, instead of talking over my case with me so that we reach a better understanding, I have my doubts. (So I prefer going to holistic healers, "alternative" medicine.)
I'm hardly an expert on BDSM terminology or techniques. But personally I would not consider being blindfolded to constitute bondage. I agree with you 100% about helping to focus on your other senses.
I honestly wonder how many people from religious homes came to equate love with pain.
Furthermore, it does get a little frustrating to ask a question aimed at other BDSM knowledgable and Poly knowledgable people and have the whole thread derailed into re-explaining what BDSM is.