Blog of a Former Unicorn

Actually, he was up here recently, and I missed him completely! I tried texting and calling several times, but I must have had the wrong number or something. I feel bad to leave him wondering.

Ah, sorry you couldn't get through, don't know what happened there. But I wasn't left wondering, I knew you had a busy day planned and didn't expect to hear from you. In any case, the timetable of my trip turned out to be very tight, and then I was up til 6am talking to a new friend! She lives in Anchorage, but unfortunately she is moving to Washington within a couple weeks. :(


Well, if I am ever in Homer or you ever find yourself in the valley.... coffee can be had! :) I absolutely hear you though. It can be hard to find people up here who understand what you are living.

I'd love to do that Lamnidae. Do you ever come to Homer? Lots of folks from other parts of AK vacation here.

I might make one more trip up your way in the next week or so, to see my new friend before she moves. If so, I'd love to meet up with you in the valley the next day, your schedule permitting. And maybe Formerunicorn and/or Mr. Unicorn would be able to make it too!


Anotherbo :)

P.S. Glad to hear you had such a restful yet fulfilling weekend, Formerunicorn. :D
 
Not really. But, if you are headed this way let me know. My schedule is a little bit bananas as I am starting a new job this week, but I would love to try to meet up. And it would be lovely if others could make it to. Mini support group moment and all ;)


Ah, sorry you couldn't get through, don't know what happened there. But I wasn't left wondering, I knew you had a busy day planned and didn't expect to hear from you. In any case, the timetable of my trip turned out to be very tight, and then I was up til 6am talking to a new friend! She lives in Anchorage, but unfortunately she is moving to Washington within a couple weeks. :(




I'd love to do that Lamnidae. Do you ever come to Homer? Lots of folks from other parts of AK vacation here.

I might make one more trip up your way in the next week or so, to see my new friend before she moves. If so, I'd love to meet up with you in the valley the next day, your schedule permitting. And maybe Formerunicorn and/or Mr. Unicorn would be able to make it too!


Anotherbo :)

P.S. Glad to hear you had such a restful yet fulfilling weekend, Formerunicorn. :D
 
I had run myself ragged with this whole new "being social again" experience. Took me a while to catch up on the sleep, which explains my absence from the forums. I am still having a blast.

I was having a problem though. On OKCupid, there's a profile section called "What I'm doing with my life." and I really, truly had no idea what to say. It was even worse when people asked me questions relating to that. I was sort of like... uh... I dunno. Not that I felt intimidated by the existential nature of the question, it's just that I was firmly in a transition phase, and the answer really was "building new relationships and working on being a better person" which is not a small thing, but does not tend to lend itself well to easy conversation that refrains from getting too philosophical or personal.

Also, the question of "what do you do for fun?" or "what have you done lately" sort of ate at me, because my answer was essentially the same: building new relationships and working on being a better person. I was truly passionate about it during the transition phase, and it was the only thing I was really focused on doing, the only thing my brain was ticking away at during the quiet moments. Sure there were things I *liked* to do, but there wasn't anything I was currently doing that seemed appropriate for new conversation.

I think I'm finally over this hump. I'm finally making time for the sleep I need, and there's much more balance in my life. And funnily enough, my life just got much more interesting. I certainly have no lack of things to talk about anymore. Take my weekend, for example:

I had a very busy weekend that still managed to feel low key. On Friday, my husband and I hiked Thunderbird Falls for the first time. The weather was beautiful, and there were mushrooms everywhere. I saw the biggest devil's club leaves there, huge things nearly two and a half feet across. They were almost big enough to be umbrellas!

Saturday I signed up for a gym membership, made some jam with a friend, and put together some new bookshelves and rearranged furniture. Sunday we spent the day at the State Fair, and even though it was raining, I wore a bright green coat and a flower in my hair and felt cheery in defiance of the weather. We had a lot of fun this year, got nearly everything on my shopping list, and even saw the guy who was free-flying exotic birds. That was very cool, especially since we have so many scary predator birds around that could have frightened them off. We stopped and picked up some movies on the way home and had a quiet evening.

Monday was both relaxing and productive. I finally got the part to fix my spinning wheel, so I took it out of storage and refamiliarized myself with it. It's been out of commission for over a year, and I had forgotten how much I truly enjoyed the meditative qualities of making yarn. I'm interested in getting my business up and running again, but we'll have to see what shape those plans take.

The most important part is that I really felt like I reconnected with my husband. I had somehow gotten into the habit of thinking he didn't like to do any of the things I liked to do, so I didn't ever ask him to do anything with me. No wonder I was so desperate to get out! We've had a wonderful time doing things together again, and I won't let it slip through the cracks like that in the future.

We had a very fulfilling talk about sex on Saturday night. Suffice to say that I had been really pushing aside my needs and that I needed help enforcing the fact that I needed certain things in order to feel fulfilled. Sexytimes ensued where he was a ruthless enforcer, and we got to bed several hours late (*cough* 4am). That probably did more to make me feel better than any amount of talking could have done.

All in all things have been fabulous.

Every bit of this sounds wonderful! Especially reconnecting so strongly with your husband again! And finding more balance (and sleep). And having such a productive, fulfilling, active weekend that still managed to feel relaxing (or at least on Monday). So glad to hear things have been fabulous. Kudos and hugs!


Anotherbo :D
 
My life is so incredibly full right now, and it seems when it rains, it pours! Wow!

When I have a little time to catch my breath I'll get another good post in. Stay tuned!
 
Headlines

This is a feature of the blog called Headlines. I'll throw it out every now and again, and it's simply a collection of small blurbs about what's been going on with little to no narrative structure. I'm introducing this now because I am so happy I can barely compose myself in order to write. Cause, you know, I get excited like that. I'm just generally pleased with life at the moment. And also, cool stuff. So yes. Here we go.

First Date + Compersion = Frikkin' Sweet!

Went on a first date with a Really Cool Guy who may or may not be joining the forums. We ended up having lunch with my husband about two hours into the date, whereupon the two of them had a private moment refilling their drinks that went something like: "Wow, she's really smart." "Yeah, I know. Isn't it great?" "Yeah!"

That is in fact not the only opinion RCG and my husband seem to share. Later on in the evening when we had met back up at the house, I lost the both of them for a total of two hours (out of a 15 hour date) while they were off geeking out together. I was left sitting in the living room with the dog going, "Wait just a minute!" But there was no way in hell I was going to interrupt that sort of bonding.

Also during a moment that we were alone, my husband was teasing me about making kissy face with RCG, cause we had been snuggling on the loveseat all evening. When RCG came back into the room, Mr. Unicorn even teased him about how it had gotten REEEEALLY quiet out in the living room earlier and that he had an aha moment as to why.

There was a lot of kissyface. And he smells really good.

We also saw the most incredible night sky. Cloudless, moonless, with a fog over the nearest city that was holding in all the light. The sky has never felt so big, nor the stars so close. I got to be amazed with RCG before we got distracted, and when I came home again, I went out and marveled at it again with Mr. Unicorn. We stayed out until the fog rolled in.

RCG said he had been carrying around so much stress for the last month until he got to our house. He said he just felt comfortable and like he was able to relax. He said he had an eye twitch that completely melted away.

As I was saying goodnight to RCG, he told me to tell Mr. Unicorn: "Tell him thank you, and that I'll have to bring that video game out the next time I come." I can't for the life of me decide which part is more awesome.

The next day I was all happy and laughing at everything with secret smiles as I remembered my evening. Mr. Unicorn told me to thank RCG for making me into a giggly girl.

I want to go visit MarksBabyGirl, and I might get to do so in May! I dunno if it's kosher to say that aloud, but it's MY blog and I can be excited about the prospect if I want! I just think she's awesome. Ha.

Also, I just got asked out on another date, just now. It's certainly busy around here!
 
I want to go visit MarksBabyGirl, and I might get to do so in May! I dunno if it's kosher to say that aloud, but it's MY blog and I can be excited about the prospect if I want! I just think she's awesome. Ha.

ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO!!! I'm excited about it TOO!!!!

And I think you're pretty awesome :D

Sounds like a pretty freaking awesome day - I'm happy for you :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
 
So RCG has joined the forums as Ulysses, welcome! I feel honored to be his introduction into poly. Mostly, I'm just happy to have made such an interesting new friend. He's going to be away for a few weeks and there are a lot of new developments in his life, so we'll see how things go.

Throughout all the emotional craziness with Seth and the intensity of my connection with Ulysses, I've also been talking with a guy I'll call Zen, because he's been quiet and consistent and manages to calm me down at the end of many a busy day. I've never met someone who is such a good listener in my life. Even over a chat program he just exudes calm. And he seems genuinely interested in me. I was tickled pink recently when he told me he just likes to hear me talk about my day. It feels so nice. From what I understand he's from a very conservatively christian background, so I've been hugely surprised that he's open to seeing where things might go. He's been very supportive and sweet, and I look forward to his gentle texts and messages every day.

Zen is VERY tall. Every time I've seen him he's been in uniform, and with his boots on he's nearly six seven. I thought I washed my hands of men who were that tall years ago when I was dating a guy who was the same height as Zen. I didn't like the fact that I couldn't easily kiss him... I had to pull him down to kiss me as if I were a child, and he wore sandals everywhere! But I guess I might be making an exception here. We're nowhere near kissing yet, but so far just his smile is enough.

The thing I like most about Zen is that when I brought up the fact that I spin wool into yarn, he didn't give me the "oh, that's interesting" line. He says he knows how to crochet and was actually asking me intelligent questions and said he would like to learn how it's done. I told him that I would be extremely happy to show him how it works and to teach him the basics whenever he had the time to come out for a few hours.

I guess I'm just appreciating his calmness and focus at a time that I seem to really need it. I can't wait to meet with him again soon.
 
I posted that query late Sunday night wondering about how much to initiate conversation with new people. Happily, I got some advice that gave me some much needed perspective, and I feel much better about the whole thing.

Monday was one hell of a great day. Despite my worried post, I ended up receiving over fifty texts over the course of the workday, including some from the lovely MBG who brightened up my lunchtime with her happy self.

While I heard from about seven different people, most of them were from Zen. He kept up a steady stream of texts throughout my workday, and sometime late last night he finally worked up the courage to see if I was free this weekend. I was more than happy to bequeath Sunday to him, and if plans hold, I'll be driving into Anchorage for a day of mystery and intrigue.

Even today he was no slouch on the phone. Zen made me laugh all day, calling me a Russian spy, and teasing me about various things. I needed it too, as I have been feeling slight bouts of vertigo lately. Not too worrisome, but still something to keep an eye on.

The biggest surprise is that last night I ended up talking on the phone with a guy off of OKC who had messaged me sometime in April (pre-poly talk with Mr. Unicorn) and I had very nicely turned him down. I was going through my old messages, saw his, revisited his profile, and decided to respond again. He replied back very shortly, and we started chatting.

We realized rather quickly that sometime in early August I had exchanged some messages of tentative interest with his wife, who has been out of town all summer. We both thought that was rather cool, and I was having some problems with the messenger, so he ended up calling. What ensued was the loudest, most hilarious phone call I think I've ever been on, as we were one-upping each other with stories of how stupid people can be. I haven't laughed that hard in a very, very long time. I hope at the very least that I become friends with these people, because they're both very cool.

Ulysses was going to come over and help me can tomatoes tonight, but it turns out he can't make it, and though I'm sad I don't get to see him, I'm rather glad, as I don't really feel well enough to be working in a hot, steamy kitchen. I'll can this batch later this week and we'll have to try again once he gets back from his trip.

Mr. Unicorn, who I have determined will always be the coolest guy in my universe, took me out on a sushi date last night, one that we had planned, but that I had completely forgotten about. So it was a surprise for me, and we had a great time. He also helped me stay on track while we shopped for some additional canning supplies, and even brought everything in and put it all away. He's so great! :D
 
Hands down my favorite exchange from my phone call tonight would have to be:

Me: Usually I go out for coffee when meeting someone for the first time, but the shooting range works too! How very... Alaskan.

Him: We can go grab some coffee too, I like coffee!

Me: Coffee first, please. I don't want to be licking cordite and whipped cream off of my fingers.
 
Things sound busy and awesome in unicorn land! I hope you enjoy coffee and shooting (in that order) :)
 
Busy AND awesome in Unicorn Land... I like that!

Actually, we had a windstorm that had our power out from sometime Friday til near midnight on Saturday. It was dark and crazy, and so Mr. Unicorn and I spent Friday night over at Married Phone Guy's house, watching Robin Williams and telling stories.

Saturday I met back up with MPG alone for breakfast. He's very different from my usual fare, but we had a very nice, quiet, happy time. Then back to Mr. Unicorn for an awesome 10 hour D&D session and lots of happy, snuggly, chatty cool down afterward, which was exactly what he and I needed to reconnect.

And then Sunday. I spent all day in Anchorage, stopping first at Griffin's house where I snuggled first with my friend Kiwi and then caught Griffin still asleep in bed. He smelled like a bonfire, and when he finally woke up (no doubt due to my chilly hands and feet) I got to catch up with him for an hour or so before heading out to spend the day with Zen. My time with him was surprising and awesome, and I hope we can find time to do it again soon.

Tomorrow is coffee with Lamnidae, and I'm really excited!
 
I'm excited for coffee too!!! :)
 
Things are going well between Mr. Unicorn and I. We're perhaps a little low on sleep, and a little low on quality time together, but we're still working out the details of how everything is working at home when we're both making the hour commute together. Thankfully the us time in the car and the potential of two drivers makes the drive very nice. Of course, the beautiful snow dusted mountains and glacier carved valleys of Alaska sure don't hurt.

When I visited Zen on Sunday he changed several burned out lights in my car, and honestly out of everything that happened that could have possibly been contentious, this was the one thing I was worried that Mr. Unicorn would be upset about. He was, in fact, extremely relieved that it was taken care of, and nothing else was a problem at all. :D

Zen... surprises me. Often and delightfully. It's hard to wrap my mind around, and we still have a little bit to go before we're on the same page, but things are going well.

I heard from Ulysses today, and he's having a good trip. Honestly, I've been surprised to hear from him, but pleasantly so. Spending time with Zen has been gradually sorting out my feelings for Ulysses, and I appreciate the clarity.

MPG and I are still texting. I think he's really relieved to have someone to talk to about everything. I'm glad I can be an ear for him.

Off to coffee with Lamnidae!
 
My coworker said to me today, "I love listening to you talk because you live a very happy life."

It hasn't always been the case, but lately? Absolutely.

So lets see, I've been out of the house for a while so there's a lot to catch up on. It's late, so I'll probably ramble on. But it will be fun, so here we go:

Lamnidae and I had a lovely time at the coffee shop on Tuesday. She's absolutely beautiful, and such a joy to talk with. It was very nice to have someone understanding to talk to, and I'm very glad to be able to offer her support as well. She's just down the road too! I can't wait to see her again, and I hope this is the beginning of a good friendship!

Mr Unicorn has finally joined the forums, though who knows if he'll ever post! We have had an incredibly good week together, full of connection and laughter. We were chasing rainbows this afternoon in the car, and the whole situation reminded me that there's absolutely no one else in the world who takes such delight in my silliness. I absolutely adore him!

MBG surprised me this afternoon with a flurry of awesome texts that made me grin like a fiend. Not leave the house indeed. *scoff*

I came home Tuesday night to a very heartwarming e-mail from Zen, who said he finally read this blog and that it made him feel much more comfortable with the whole situation. There were a number of things said that really touched me, and it made me cry. The thing that I appreciated the most was that he made sure to point out that he thinks the dedication to open communication that I have with Mr. Unicorn is very healthy. I thought that observation spoke volumes about his character, and it just adds to the growing list of things I like about him.

Zen lives over an hour away, in the town we're commuting to. He's scheduled to work for nearly two weeks straight, so there was no chance of seeing him this weekend. In order to get some time in with him, it was decided that I should spend the night on Thursday for convenience's sake. I'd never spent a night away from Mr Unicorn before. Our bedtime rituals of reconnection and love and then listening to him fall asleep is my favorite part of my day. Spending the night away felt like a big step, bigger than anything else I've done so far. I don't regret it.

Zen was tired, but amazingly considerate and attentive all evening. I love making him laugh, because he's so serene most of the time, and his eyes just crinkle with mirth. He's nearly a foot taller than I am and his lashes are so long that his eyes look really dark when we're just standing around. I'm always so startled when I'm face to face with him and I see that they're such a very clear blue.

He watches me intently, and I'm not sure I've ever felt such a desire to observe in a person before. Often when I say something that surprises him, he'll stop and turn his head just so as he thinks about it for a moment, fitting it into his worldview. Often he'll repeat it back to me in his own words, asking if he's gotten it right, and it's clear that he's understood the deeper meaning behind my simple statements. It makes him a very good conversationalist, and a phenomenal listener.

There's something about him that's been healing hurts I didn't know I'd been living with. Things I thought were okay that have just been blossoming under his attention. I feel more relaxed, happier, and even safer. I feel championed by him, protected, cared for, and cherished in a very uncommon way. He expresses so much through his actions and I find it so beautiful to watch. I feel so privileged to be able to get to know him.

NRE, anyone? :D
 
This week has been a huge lesson in the value of friendship.

This past weekend was the first weekend in months that I have been home both days, with no reason to leave the house. We had a coworker/friend of Mr. Unicorn's over on Saturday, and I had a great time getting to know her.

There was a small blip of unhappiness as another friend of mine (Pearl) said something very unnecessary to me on the phone. I refused to rise to her challenge and politely ended the conversation, but it really sat badly with me. There has been a current of discontent for years now, but she's the wife of one of Mr Unicorn's childhood friends, so cutting her out of my life isn't an option for me. It doesn't help that I have been friends with Pearl's husband since before they met. I feel like I have tried very hard to be her friend, but whenever I call her I feel stonewalled, as she always tells me she has no available time this week, or this weekend, and next week is out also. Recently there's been a sense that she's been ignoring me during big social gatherings. I'm tired of waiting on half-built bridges, and I decided I was done feeling obligated to attend her events and done feeling guilty about not wanting to participate in things that I really have no interest in.

That brief phone call rankled, but the rest of the weekend was still relaxing. On Monday, things started to go downhill. After work Mr. Unicorn and I were not communicating very well--and we knew it--and we worked very hard on getting to a place where we weren't crabbing at one another.

In addition, there was an e-mail from Pearl waiting for me, full of "we need to talks" and "I don't know what's wrong with yous" and "is it because you hate our other friend?" that showed that once again our relationship was really all about her. I sent her an e-mail explaining that I was sorry, but I was not able to discuss things with her at this time, and I did not know when I would be.

Tuesday morning Mr. Unicorn and I finally got things straightened out between us, and I was feeling really great, but by the afternoon things had really started to fall apart for me. I generally have a very happy outlook, but when I crash, I crash hard. The stressors in my life all pushed to the forefront at once, and I was left feeling overwhelmed and helpless. I really needed some support, someone to tell me everything was going to be okay. I sent a few texts out, hoping for some kind words, and I ended up finding it from a surprising quarter: Maca.

My need for support was so great that when I got his text offering to drop by my work for a few minutes... I nearly wept with relief. The fact that this man I had never met was willing to carve some time out of his busy day to show up for someone he'd only exchanged a handful of texts with, just so that I'd be able to feel better--that touched me on a very deep level. I tried to beg off, but he insisted, and he was right. A hug and a sympathetic ear was exactly what I needed.

The whole thing made me realize how isolated I've kept myself. How close I hold my cards. Even now when I'm exploring and meeting new people, how very little I've been sharing of myself. And that it really is a choice I need to make.

That evening when I got home, I got in touch with Lamnidae and let her know I could really use some time together to just chat. She invited me over, and I had a great time venting and listening and just getting to know another woman again.

I have a coworker who is becoming a good friend as well. It's happening slowly but surely, and I'm quite glad of it. She's been an excellent outlet for all the poly talk. She thinks it's interesting and crazy and terribly romantic, though it would never be something she'd do. I love her perspective and gentleness. She's in her early forties and I truly appreciate her experience.

Wednesday night Mr. Unicorn and I went to meet with some college friends of his (who are also friends with one of my other friends) whom I had never met before. It was awesome finally meeting these two that I've heard so much about for so many years! They're a poly couple as well, and Mr. Unicorn had been looking forward to talking about it with them, but it happened that we all had so much in common that we ended up talking about all sorts of other things and barely brought up the topic at all! They were a fun pair. She is intense and creative and random, and he is super sweet and thoughtful and silly. We paired off in different combinations all through the evening, and stayed far later than we probably should have. I hope we get to see them again soon, because I really enjoyed myself!

Another Thursday with Zen was a lot of fun! It's been interesting getting to know him better. I was happy to see him laughing so much, and gratified that we had some serious conversation as well. I gather he'd had a rough week at work. Well, eleven days on will do that to you. I'm glad I could be there help kick off his four day weekend in style.

Friday I had lunch with Maca and we just talked about how our lives are going. It's been interesting getting to know him.

My life continued to just go, as during lunch Mr. Unicorn called and said Pearl had called him that morning and bitched about me for twenty minutes. Mr. Unicorn, being the nice guy he is, lent his ear and later came to the conclusion that she's trying to impress her value system on me, and it obviously isn't working very well for either of us.

Friday ended awkwardly, as I was sort of shoehorned into dinner at an expensive Italian restaurant with Pearl and her husband, Mr. Unicorn, and the other friend who Pearl was asking if I hated. Dinner was civil and downright funny at times, and I tried to be as neutral as possible, but it's clear that Pearl is ready to reconcile and doesn't understand that I need more time. We set a lunch date for Tuesday to just go talk, but then she made some awkward ploy to get me to go shoe shopping with her and our other friend after dinner. I had to politely turn her down, as to be honest it sounded like a recipe for disaster.

Saturday morning Mr. Unicorn was full of bouncy, nervous, excited energy about the day's D&D session he was preparing for and I just needed a break in order for me to find my own excitement. I had wanted a relaxing morning and it was clear I wasn't going to get it. Maca invited me over for a cup of coffee and I got to meet LR and GG and Sour Pea, who was an adorable ball of energy, all in a whirlwind 40 minutes. All the excellent chaos was exactly the sort of distraction I needed, and I came home feeling refreshed and excited about the day's game, which ended up being a lot of fun.

All of this is a big change from my previous routine of "I stay home with Mr Unicorn and do nothing" and things between the two of us have been very good because we're appreciating the time we have together much more.

I feel more balanced, more myself, and I am beginning to realize I can't feel that way without the support of others. It's scary, but it feels so, so good.
 
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Saturday morning Mr. Unicorn was full of bouncy, nervous, excited energy about the day's D&D session he was preparing for and I just needed a break in order for me to find my own excitement. I had wanted a relaxing morning and it was clear I wasn't going to get it. Maca invited me over for a cup of coffee and I got to meet LR and GG and Sour Pea, who was an adorable ball of energy, all in a whirlwind 40 minutes. All the excellent chaos was exactly the sort of distraction I needed, and I came home feeling refreshed and excited about the day's game, which ended up being a lot of fun.

All of this is a big change from my previous routine of "I stay home with Mr Unicorn and do nothing" and things between the two of us have been very good because we're appreciating the time we have together much more.

I feel more balanced, more myself, and I am beginning to realize I can't feel that way without the support of others. It's scary, but it feels so, so good.

It sounds like a busy & self-informative week :)

The bolded portion really hits home with me :). That's how we usually are--stay home, cuddle, watch a movie. Yesterday totally wasn't like that! We were both busy with our own thing. Today is the family Thanksgiving dinner & then Breathes and I will reconnect tonight.

It is scary getting out there in the big, wide world but once we do the rewards are so very worth it.
 
It sounds like a busy & self-informative week :)

That's a very good way to put it, it has been a self-informative week. I feel like I learned so much about many things. There were definitely growing pains, but I feel better equipped to seek my own happiness and support the endeavors of others to seek their own.

The bolded portion really hits home with me :). That's how we usually are--stay home, cuddle, watch a movie. Yesterday totally wasn't like that! We were both busy with our own thing. Today is the family Thanksgiving dinner & then Breathes and I will reconnect tonight.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's taking some practice for us to reconnect well after some time apart, but it is very, very excellent. We're so much more mindful of our relationship and one another now. I am so happy with the changes, and I look forward to growing closer as time goes on.
 
I am kind of numb.

Today was emotionally exhausting. Pearl and I had a lunch date to discuss what had become of our friendship. I was expecting some terse discussion about where we had been failing one another, but I was not prepared for a half hour of her lambasting me, my husband, my values, the way I live my life, and most of all the choice to be poly. She informed me in no uncertain terms that she wanted to hear absolutely nothing about it, that she didn't respect it, that she didn't feel it was right, and that our entire social circle felt the same way and that I needed to understand that my husband and I need to keep our deviations to ourselves because nobody was comfortable with it, and that I needed to really rethink my decision because my husband was really miserable.

Not really the tack I would have chosen to open negotiations for rebuilding a friendship.

I was sort of appalled that all of these things were coming out of her mouth. I slipped back into ultrapolite mode, which only happens when I completely withdraw from a situation, and let her know that I was sorry she felt that way, but that I was happy with the decisions I had made, that my life was very fulfilling, and that it was a good thing I have been building ties elsewhere, because it was obvious that I wasn't going to be able to get the support I needed from her. I also let her know that nothing was really going to change about my end of things, except that I would be attending fewer social events, and since I never see her outside of social events, this meant I would rarely see her, if at all.

What floored me most of all was the fact that after I said this, she said point blank, "but if there's anything else you want to talk about, I'm totally here for you. Let's do lunch again soon!"

I fled the restaurant as quickly as possible, and called Mr Unicorn to share how lunch went. He was livid, but we didn't have the time to really be able to talk. I texted and talked with various people throughout the rest of the workday, and eventually calmed down a bit.

When I picked Mr Unicorn up after work, we discussed what this breakdown would mean for our circle of friends. Since she was the only person we told about the poly business, there had obviously been some leakage of confidence somewhere along the line. We had been wanting to put off the poly talks with our circle for a while, but it looks like we're going to have to have them sooner rather than later so we can find out what people think they know, correct any misapprehensions, and share our open door policy for any questions they may have.

When we got home, Pearl was waiting for us in the driveway. Apparently I had accidentally sent a text to her instead of someone else, and she was incredibly hurt by the tone of it (last nail in the coffin of our dying friendship sort of thing).

She yelled at me for a bit. I spoke incredibly calmly about things. She cried. I apologized for the text, and explained the mistake. She said she left lunch feeling like she had attacked me. I agreed. She complained that she felt like I had changed, that I had let her down over and over, that I just hadn't been appreciating the work she was trying to do to bring us together. I confirmed that I had changed, that I was no longer okay with her trying to make me into someone I wasn't, and that I don't feel like she has actually seen me for the person I really am for a very long time. Years of hurt on both sides was being dragged into the light.

There was a lot of crying and a lot of discussion, but I think we may have found one another again. It's going to take a lot of work, but I think it will be worth it in the end. We parted on good terms, hopeful for the future.

Mr Unicorn is still furious with her. I don't blame him. She said some truly awful things today. I'm not really mad anymore, because I feel like a conclusion has been reached and the outcome that I desired has been achieved. I forgive her because I'm sure she was talking mostly from hurt and anger. I forgive her because that's just who I am.
 
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