Dirtclustit
Banned
entering any form of non-monogamy with spouse
whom you were not previously non-monogamous with is extremely hard. If you are not patient and understanding it could blow up. You both have to spend a good amount of time in reflection about your emotions because they will lie to you in the heat of the moment.
The worst part is, just plain common mistakes that most people make, combined with a little bit of being hutt hurt and egos, many couples wreck the relationship during the transition and so much unnecessary pain is caused that it is too much to salvage.
I think it is better for couples to understand that it is NOT going to be fun for a year or two unless your guys are that close, and take to poly like a fish to water, especially with young children, as raising kids often is enough to seriously strain a marriage.
But if you are going to stay together, it takes more work than any relationship would ever seem worth it. You just have to remember that it only requires that much exhausting and emotional effort to get you through the transition.
Online forums can only get you so far, if you know others personally who can help you get through it, it would help.
but you cannot create situations where you are gong to resent her, like leaving you home without a car. You either have to find a way to deal with it or else find a way vent, but you are setting yourself up for failure.
You have to find a way that works for you guys. For some people that means just dabbling in swinging and then deciding it's too much.
Some people can only handle it when the get to know their spouses bf/gf and only because there is a hell of a lot of mutual respect, and the bf/gf is as patient as you need for the sixth months or whatever.
But if you don't find a way that works, you will damage your relationship beyond repair, unless that is, you become the couple that lives together as a formality but their relationship ends up little more than roomates they don't see that often
the transition is not easy, DO NOT LET ANY reoccurring negative emotions go undealt with, even the little things. Only you will know what you can and can't handle, and if you are having this much trouble, the thing that can have the most positive effect is your spouse and her boyfriend going the extra mile to make sure you are dealing with things ok.
A lot of people here say that it isn't their responsibility, and it isn't, but things are the most hassle free when everyone carries a part of the transition burden
sorry bout the typos, I am in a horrible mood
whom you were not previously non-monogamous with is extremely hard. If you are not patient and understanding it could blow up. You both have to spend a good amount of time in reflection about your emotions because they will lie to you in the heat of the moment.
The worst part is, just plain common mistakes that most people make, combined with a little bit of being hutt hurt and egos, many couples wreck the relationship during the transition and so much unnecessary pain is caused that it is too much to salvage.
I think it is better for couples to understand that it is NOT going to be fun for a year or two unless your guys are that close, and take to poly like a fish to water, especially with young children, as raising kids often is enough to seriously strain a marriage.
But if you are going to stay together, it takes more work than any relationship would ever seem worth it. You just have to remember that it only requires that much exhausting and emotional effort to get you through the transition.
Online forums can only get you so far, if you know others personally who can help you get through it, it would help.
but you cannot create situations where you are gong to resent her, like leaving you home without a car. You either have to find a way to deal with it or else find a way vent, but you are setting yourself up for failure.
You have to find a way that works for you guys. For some people that means just dabbling in swinging and then deciding it's too much.
Some people can only handle it when the get to know their spouses bf/gf and only because there is a hell of a lot of mutual respect, and the bf/gf is as patient as you need for the sixth months or whatever.
But if you don't find a way that works, you will damage your relationship beyond repair, unless that is, you become the couple that lives together as a formality but their relationship ends up little more than roomates they don't see that often
the transition is not easy, DO NOT LET ANY reoccurring negative emotions go undealt with, even the little things. Only you will know what you can and can't handle, and if you are having this much trouble, the thing that can have the most positive effect is your spouse and her boyfriend going the extra mile to make sure you are dealing with things ok.
A lot of people here say that it isn't their responsibility, and it isn't, but things are the most hassle free when everyone carries a part of the transition burden
sorry bout the typos, I am in a horrible mood
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