Is it possible to be emotionally poly?

I would say yes. Just as all humans are sexual beings, it doesn't mean all humans have a sexual partner. So, also- Just because a person is poly, doesn't mean they have a partner or partners. Also- even when a person knows they are poly and are looking for a partner or partners, doesn't mean they will be able to find them.
 
Why not? Asexual people can have multiple romantic partners and may never engage in sex.

I think it is totally possible to be romantically in love with people and not engage in sexual activity. The love is the same but the expression is just different.

For some this would be frustrating, for an asexual person this would be completely adequate. For a person with boundaries around physical partners it might only be tolerable.

You don't even need to include poly in this question because the same principle would apply to a romantic but non-sexual monogamous relationship.

Getting to know asexual people has really changed my view on love and sex.
 
I'd like to know more about asexual people if you don't mind Mono. I'm assuming that being asexual is a lifestyle choice like celibacy? Or, do you mean that asexual is a part of the sexuality of a person??
 
I'd like to know more about asexual people if you don't mind Mono. I'm assuming that being asexual is a lifestyle choice like celibacy? Or, do you mean that asexual is a part of the sexuality of a person??

Asexual is an orientation...just like gay or straight.

We just attended a seminar/meeting hosted by one of the leading asexual activists. People have them just as misunderstood as poly people LOL!
 
The way I see it, poly is about emotion first, so I don't think it requires being sexual or wanting to be sexual with several people. It is the most common case, yes, but not the only one. If that's how you are, you could define yourself as polyamorous and monosexual, for instance (asexual if you're not monosexual either).

@idealist, asexual people aren't attracted sexually to anyone. It's an orientation like heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, etc. The prefix "a" is a privative, meaning sexually attracted to nobody.

They can still be heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, describing who they might fall in love with. The sexual attraction simply doesn't exist. It's not about the choice of resisting one's sexual urges, it's about not having any to begin with.
 
Why not? Asexual people can have multiple romantic partners and may never engage in sex.

I think it is totally possible to be romantically in love with people and not engage in sexual activity. The love is the same but the expression is just different.

For some this would be frustrating, for an asexual person this would be completely adequate. For a person with boundaries around physical partners it might only be tolerable.

You don't even need to include poly in this question because the same principle would apply to a romantic but non-sexual monogamous relationship.

Getting to know asexual people has really changed my view on love and sex.

It seems to me that getting to know this forum will change my view on a number of things. I have never really thought about anyone being asexual, but it makes absolute sense if that person has no sexual leanings or predispositons. Thank you for teaching me something new today.
 
I have never really thought about anyone being asexual, but it makes absolute sense if that person has no sexual leanings or predispositons.

Oddly enough I have this deep sense that the evolution of humankind will lead to asexuality as our intelligence increases. The collective energy that people expend trying to get into other peoples pants could power our cities :eek:
But that is a future of extreme efficiency without any of the fun ;)
 
The way I see it, poly is about emotion first, so I don't think it requires being sexual or wanting to be sexual with several people. It is the most common case, yes, but not the only one. If that's how you are, you could define yourself as polyamorous and monosexual, for instance (asexual if you're not monosexual either).

Thank you Tonberry. That answered a question I have been wondering about for quite sometime.

I am new to the idea of polyamory, and I am not certain if I will ever make the choice to be poly. But in my quest to better understand it, I had an epiphany of sorts when I was reading about NRE vs. ORE.

I can honestly say that while married these past years I have shared a love with two other individuals and that if I had allowed their emotionally close friendship and love to become more intimate, it would have bloomed into a new relationship that I was not prepared to have at the time.

Since I began reading more about polyamory, I realized that though my husband and I have participated in a very healthy and sexually monogamous relationship, we have both at times been attracted to people outside our relationship in ways that leaned more towards mutual affection and nonphysical intimacy (rather than general physical attraction). Looking back at our relationship, I was struck by how each of these situations that have come up over the years had injected new life into our marriage. The result of which was that on a couple of occasions the outside party has become a very close and dear friend for one or both of us.

However, because we live in a monogamous society it is very hard to admit to oneself that you have loved or fallen in love with someone outside of your marriage. As a result, I never explored the close bonds that I shared with these other individuals in a manner that would have been more truthful to myself or my husband, until now.

This is still much more that my husband and I need to sort out as we continue our discussions on this subject. Least of which includes jealousy...but that is another topic for another thread.

In the meantime you have answered something that has been sitting at the forefront of my mind in regards to polyamory. I would have to venture a guess that there are more people out there who are emotionally polyamorous but physically monosexual then I would have previously thought....including myself.
 
Do a tag search for "asexual" there are threads here on the topic that have some good links on them for asexuals and those who are interested.
 
Since you enjoy a sexual relationship with your husband you would not qualify as asexual, but as physically monogamous. I'm replacing 'monosexuality' with 'monogamy' to describe your situation because monosexuality is a term that encompasses hetero- and homosexuality as opposed to bisexuality.

Emotional polyamory can also arise from a situation where the partners involved have incompatible sexual/relationship orientations, such as in a woman in love with a gay man. Or a straight man and a straight woman can be in love but choose to honor their existing monogamous commitments and restrict the physical aspects of the relationship to a minimum. Whether this would still be cheating and how long the situation is likely to last is of course open to debate.

So maybe you are a poly-in-waiting :p? Your other loves could have a mutually enjoyable physical expression but until now, for various reasons, haven't.

I understand your point in finding emotional nourishment in non-physical connections, however, without a pressing need for the relationship to turn physical. I usually need to be very strongly infatuated with someone to feel a strong physical desire for them, and tend to have more of a 'I can take it or leave it' attitude towards sex at other times.
 
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this has to be an individual answer. I personally would have an extremely difficult time being poly with someone I am not romantic/intimate with. There would be a piece missing for me.
 
sorry, I missed the part where you said that you have sex but not with this particular person... :eek:

I have a none sexual boyfriend and our love is no less powerful than what I have with the other loves in my life. It is somehow more naive and innocent, as we don't know certain things about one another, but I quite like that for now and am enjoying it just the same. I am no less committed to the relationship than to the others... so why not I say?:)
 
Getting to know asexual people has really changed my view on love and sex.

Okay, I'm going to show my ignorance here, but I'll apply it to my personal experience with my sex life. Let me know if I am totally off, which I probably am, but Oh well...here I go because I've been thinking about this since I read the post.

I have a certain weight (when I can fit into my size 4 clothes) that I feel really good about myself. I like what I see when I look in the mirror. No matter what I put on, I like it. I can wear dresses, jeans, skirts, lace, leather...doesn't matter. When I see myself, I am turned on!!! My body is more stimulated and I am a lot more sexual. I'm more attracted to myself and I am more attracted to other people. My sexual desire is heightened a great deal.

Then- I have the other weight (when I am a size 6.)

Let me stop here and say that for someone else- the "feel good" size might be a 10 to 12 and the other "not so feel good" size could be a 14.

Don't get hung up on the actual size. The point is....how I feel about myself and how my body feels. How my body responds to other people.

When I am heavier, I don't like what I see in the mirror as well. I can put on the dress, the jeans, the leather, but it's just okay...... and I'm not as attracted to other people. I am not nearly as sexually stimulated. I can "take it or leave it" pretty much.

This is my question: How do you think sexuality and asexuality is affected by our own perception of our physical attractiveness.
 
This is my question: How do you think sexuality and asexuality is affected by our own perception of our physical attractiveness.

Both of the people who identified as asexual at the meeting were very attractive. One male; young fit, vigorous looking and confident. One woman; young, great curves, amazing wit and a great smile. I don't think it plays any part in it at all. I think that would be like a guy identifying as homesexual because he has a small build or feminine features. Even the idea of self image issues implies that asexuality can not exist in a healthy, fully confident person.

The asexual woman simply does not have any desire to engage in sexual activity with someone. I think I can relate at times. When my connection is broken or diminished with Redpepper I don't feel the desire for sex with any one...but it isn't from being turned off. At those times there is just no desire for sex. Not saying that asexual people have any issue with connection LOL! Asexual people develop fully romantic relationships without the desire to express them sexually.


I acknowledge asexuality as an orientation that does not need a sexual outlet to express romantic love.

Do you find it hard to believe that a person could actually not have an interest in sex?
 
Both of the people who identified as asexual at the meeting were very attractive.

When I'm in my 6, I am still very attractive to others.

One male; young fit, vigorous looking and confident. One woman; young, great curves, amazing wit and a great smile. I don't think it plays any part in it at all. I think that would be like a guy identifying as homesexual because he has a small build or feminine features. Even the idea of self image issues implies that asexuality can not exist in a healthy, fully confident person.

I think I am going to have to disagree....at least for now. I'll think about it more..... I am also fit, vigorous looking and extremely confident (notice I left out young :) woman.

The asexual woman simply does not have any desire to engage in sexual activity with someone. I think I can relate at times. When my connection is broken or diminished with Redpepper I don't feel the desire for sex with any one...but it isn't from being turned off. At those times there is just no desire for sex. Not saying that asexual people have any issue with connection LOL! Asexual people develop fully romantic relationships without the desire to express them sexually.

I totally get that!! I'm not interested in sex either when I'm not turned on by myself. Okay- here's the deal. Right now, I'm at my 6 size. But, getting ready for the weekend, I shaved my entire body (except my head) and put lotion and oil on every surface of my body. And guess what......out of nowhere, I experienced sexual desire..... I think asexual is just a term for "sexually shut down for now". Because we are inherently sexual beings unless there is a short circuit somewhere.


I acknowledge asexuality as an orientation that does not need a sexual outlet to express romantic love.

Do you find it hard to believe that a person could actually not have an interest in sex?

I do not find it hard to believe at all that a person does not have an interest in sex. I know a lot of people who are not interested in sex and some of them are "seemingly" fit, attractive etc....... I find that incredibly easy to believe. I just think that a person who wants to adopt the label as asexual is a person who has shut down sexually due to some short circuit and they aren't interested in becoming a fully functioning authentic human being......just sayin'
 
I find that incredibly easy to believe. I just think that a person who wants to adopt the label as asexual is a person who has shut down sexually due to some short circuit and they aren't interested in becoming a fully functioning authentic human being......just sayin'

The term "short circuit" implies you believe asexual people have something wrong with them. Unfortunately lots of people would also say that any poly, gay, bi, queer or trans-gendered person also have something wrong with them because in most mainstream peoples' eyes we are naturally heterosexual and monogamous.

Here is a link to AVEN...they are leading authorities in the Asexual community. Their forum has over 27,000 members so there is quite a lot of experience to draw from. http://www.asexuality.org/en/
 
Okay- I can agree with you when I think about it this way.

There are some basic segments of human life. Some of those segments are:

Emotional
Mental
Physical
Spiritual
Sexual
Home Life
Family
Career
Financial
Health
Creative
Gifts and Talents

So- for every human being- these are life segments that can be developed if you choose to. Every human being can choose to delve into any of these areas.....all of the areas....or none of the areas.

so- an asexual person is someone who simply doesn't want to delve into their own sexuality.
 
so- an asexual person is someone who simply doesn't want to delve into their own sexuality.

I'm not asexual so I shouldn't be speaking for them..but I think they would disagree. They delve more deeply into their sexuality then most because a lot of them spent the greater portion of their life figuring out why they weren't sexual towards others. Please take a look at their site. I don't like possibly misrepresenting them but I do feel protective of any group that understands itself better than any one on the outside could.

You aren't alone in having such a hard time with the concept of people actually not desiring sex...but I have a hard time with the concept of people actually being poly so I can relate to your confusion LOL!
 
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