River's Blog

July, 22. - - - Not drinking or smoking has turned out to be remarkably easy, pretty smooth. And I feel great! Well, I've had a crazy detox process going on, which is the probabable cause of the horrible and frightening constipation episode I just got through, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, this is easy as pie. And I feel all kinds of healing happening.

I no longer need crutches, nor do I want them. This is amazing, looking in the rear view mirror.

I had a bout of great sadness while having lunch with my Sweetie today. Sadness about a very dear friend (and long ago lover, of sorts) being in so much emotional suffering, and feeling stuck, seeing no way beyond it. But today my sadness was my friend, not an unfortunate condition or something to be pushed away. I welcome my sadness in the way a river flows. I welcome it like weather. This is remarkable, looking at it in the rear view mirror.

My sadness feels like free-flowing love. My sadness is joy and peace! My sadness is liberated! This is remarkable! Looking at it in the rear view mirror.

I've been continually happy for week after week after week! I am a happy man -- a happy man who occasionally experiences sadness or fear or pain. But happy is the base line. It is where I live. It is my home.

And this is my gift ... to all. My healing and growth is what I breathe, what I give.

I'm so in love with life! So, so happy!

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=93309&postcount=296
 
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Thanks, BEV.

Hey? Where are my kisses and hugs? C'mon people!
 
The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Grease

(Not sure how to spel sqweeky.)

I'm not looking to get greased up, anyway. Just give me some lovin'. Geeze. You think it's easy being so happy?!? This is rough. Now give me some lovin', peeps.:p:D

You'd think an extraordinarily happy person carried the freaking plague round here! (Ten foot pole, anyone?)

....

How happy am I? I'm happy to overspilling, near to bursting! And some of the icing on the cake (I'm the cake!, see) is that Derek, my long lost love, is coming to my neck of the woods this very summer! In large part to see me and spend time with me -- after we've been out of communication for 16-17 years.

Now, of course, when I call him my long lost love and the rest of it, don't think I think we're going to be lovers. I have no such (or any) expectations -- though I'm open to it. I'm just delighted beyond measure that we'll get to spend time within reaching distance for a hug! Maybe we'll sleep out under the stars and talk late into the night. Or share a cup of tea, or wander the streets like blowing tumbleweeds.... Any of these possibilities are freaking awesome!

I've entered a new world beyond lack. Nothing is missing or lacking. There is only now overspilling ... and how much? I freaking love overspilling! But, anyway, I don't grasp anymore. I invite. I welcome. I allow. Nothing is lacking, so there's no other way. As I said, I love overspilling -- but I am not attached to it. Attachment is suffering, and suffering especially I am unattached to.

Joy is knowing how and when to set your sails.

===

Okay, Darlings! Forget the grease, give me some lovin'. I want to overspill some.:D:p
 
Thanks, Darlin'!

That Double Rainbow Guy has it right! He has awe! Life is that awesome! It'll ring all our bells if we will let it. Good thing he's vulnerable to a breeze on his skin, this fellow.

It said his little video had 29,181,748 views. Wow!
 
:D

i felt putting here a (last) link to celebrate Joy and Happiness in Sharing; it's a dance (that everyone can easily learn) i like very much and it is sweet and funny and re-charging sharing it with some dancing friends:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUwYJrjLGqs

bye :)
 
Thanks, Neegoola! I do love Kali Ma.
 
Rough Sketch Fragments Toward A Probable Future Essay

Naked, Nekkid, Naiked...

"The joyous task which confronts an ethic of spontaneity, however difficult it may be, is quite literally to woo people out of their armed shells."

-Alan Watts

An infant is naturally spontaneous and authentic. Who has ever seen an armored and mask-wearing baby? Yet, inevitably, the infant becomes a child and the child an adolescent and then an adult--unless death comes too soon. And a person becomes layered, complex, shielded against both real and imaginary threats or losses.

===


People in our culture often think that sex is oriented only toward pleasure, toward "getting off". But I think something deeper is at play in sex, the desire to get naiked. This desire can carry us along a transformational journey which is very much an authentic spiritual path -- regardless of religious affiliation.

Naiked is a word I just coined, from a metaphor: naked. Naked is being in one's birthday suit, or sans clothing. Nekkid, I hear from Southerners, means "turned on and naked" ... Or is it just "turned on"? ... But metaphorical nakedness (which I now call "naiked") is being like a baby again, only as an adult, or perhaps an adolescent. Sexual intimacy, like all intimacy, is potentially a powerful practice we may engage to reclaim our naikedness--which is too painful a loss not to wish to reclaim once one knows one has lost access to it.

===

People say there has been a sexual revolution. I very much doubt it. If there has been such a revolution, it has failed. There is very little liberated sexuality in our culture because there is very little naikedness. To be naiked is to trust one's own spontaneous, bodily being enough to transcend one's neurotic and fixated egoism and self-obsession, also known as contractedness. To be naiked is to live in an eternal present unfolding through time, like riding a great wave on a surf board. To be naiked is to be newly here, having just arrived for the first time, like a baby. To be naiked is not to be without adult reasoning skills, but to be uncontained by these, unbound by these, unidentified by them. To be utterly spontaneously authentic is to be naiked. And that's why one cannot be naiked in one's "head". The intellect is incapable of naikedness--, unless it has been transformed by bodily naikedness. Such intellect takes itself to be the body and the earth before it confuses itself with some substance between the ears.
 
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Rough Sketch Fragments Toward A Probable Future Essay

Naked, Nekkid, Naiked...

"The joyous task which confronts an ethic of spontaneity, however difficult it may be, is quite literally to woo people out of their armed shells."

-Alan Watts

An infant is naturally spontaneous and authentic. Who has ever seen an armored and mask-wearing baby? Yet, inevitably, the infant becomes a child and the child an adolescent and then an adult--unless death comes too soon. And a person becomes layered, complex, shielded against both real and imaginary threats or losses.

===


People in our culture often think that sex is oriented only toward pleasure, toward "getting off". But I think something deeper also is at play in sex, the desire to get naiked. This desire can carry us along a transformational journey which is very much an authentic spiritual path -- regardless of religious affiliation. (Skeptics and atheists are probably closer to the naiked world than most conventionally religious folks.)

Naiked is a word I just coined, from a metaphor: naked. Naked is being in one's birthday suit, or sans clothing. Nekkid, I hear from Southerners, means "turned on and naked" ... Or is it just "turned on"? ... But metaphorical nakedness (which I now call "naiked") is being like a baby again, only as an adult, or perhaps an adolescent. Sexual intimacy, like all intimacy, is potentially a powerful practice we may engage to reclaim our naikedness--which is too painful a loss not to wish to reclaim once one knows one has lost access to it.


===


This will be continued, of course!

Some of my inspiration for this inquiry comes from this.: http://shannonfarm.org/dojo/Ethicseros.html
 
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Derek (the long lost love) and I will be attending a queer men's "shaman's gathering" (a gathering of freaky shamans, healers and the like) near the middle of next month, here in New Mexico. He's coming from the East coast. We're driving about four hours together to get there. We'll be camping together, etc....

This is, of course, an astonishing development. Simply astonishing. And I'm nervous! We'll be spending a LOT of time together, after not seeing one another (or even talking) in so very many years.

We're going as friends. Friends who have been intimate, long ago. We'll be friends. We'll probably cuddle. We may kiss. Who knows.

My shoulders feel tight. I'm nervous.

My plane has landed. In a new and strange world. Grounded again. Earthy.
 
Gosh, I hope it is much better than anything I've anticipated! (eek!) ;)
 
Rinkle Free Darlings

Soon I shall be on Faerie Land again. I have not stepped foot on Faerie Land since I was somewhat less youthful, somewhat less middle aged. So it's perfect that the latest issue of RFD, a Faerie magazine, is called Rinkle Free Darlings, and features this delightful lad on its cover.
http://www.rfdmag.org/cover-detail.php?img=images/pages/1016_F1306361620.jpg&iss=146

I'm going with this guy I met on Faerie Land, and we were so much younger sixteen/seventeen years ago. We have grey in our hair/beards..., some Rinkles.... And as I gazed at the Cover Boy ... well let me just say that I still have some of my youthful beauty left and I intend to make the most of it while it lasts. And let me add that I'd not like to be twenty-something again, and that I'm glad I survived it! Still, I could feel my heart sink looking at Cover Boy. He's so cute! We were all so cute back then, before all of the hard knocks and the "learning experiences" which we managed somehow to survive, and which made our eyes glow. Didn't our eyes begin to glow? Aren't we on fire? Don't we have our Second Childhood? Are we not awake? Aren't the stars and the crickets and the meals and the conversations...? Aren't they! Now that the clock is ticking so loudly along with the calendar pages..., which fall away amidst the stars and the crickets and....
 
BEV,

Sorry..., I didn't explain "Faerie Land". Faerie Land is Radical Faerie sanctuary land. Google "Radical Faeries" for info on them (us?!).

In my own case, I'm not exactly "fae" (effeminite, likes to wear women's clothing and act all girly), but neither were lots of the Faeries I met at the Oregon sanctuary, years ago.

I did put on a dress on Faerie land, as a sort of wild, playful act -- which had the side effect of helping me clear out some internalized projections from the het culture.

There is a lot to like about the Radical Faeries, although they are definitely very weird! I enjoy a little exotic weirdness now and then, and it's pretty nice to see a bunch of naked guys outdoors. (Not that everyone is naked, just some!)
 
hey, i googled radical faeries, it' wonderful!! i didn't know.. :eek:

thanks sooo much :)

and yes, me too i'm very happy with my grey hair and experiences that had come to accompany them to a vast care for my self, a different way of taking care, loving and letting be loved :)
 
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