Which way to turn?

Hugs to you Mo....I feel for you...I really do. It'll get better. I promise.

thanks. I know it will. It always does.

This week has just sucked.

I haven't really had a dream at all while I've been here. Until last night. Dec 11th would have been my friend Larry's 28th birthday, but he was killed by a drunk driver when we were in highschool.

Last night I relieved his entire memorial service and funeral, with the added twist of getting lost in the church and being chased by ghosts asking for help.I don't usualy see faces, I get impressions. But I saw larry lying in the casket his eyes were closed, but it felt like he was looking right at me. They had a gauzy type sheet over his open casket during the real funeral, because his injuries distorted his appearance so much. But last night in the dream, there was no sheet.

Then I found out I had no work til tuesday, was all excited to spend the whole weekend with Karma, then found out he wasn't coming til saturday, then found out that Cricket and another set of friends hadn't paid him the gas money owed to him and he had to dip into the money set aside for gas to get to ohio, so now he's $40 short on gas money to get here. Then he agrees to come in on friday and we'll spend the majority of the time he's here as us time :D but we gotta get him here first.

Add to that the drama with him and Cricket, and me and Cricket, the fact that I miss him terribly, that I am taking EVERYTHING personaly and as an attack. My dad can't do anything around the house and my mom is working so it is all falling on me, including shoveling the drive b/c the snowblower won't work, and loading /unloading my dads 10 huge heavy bags full of ppr work he needs for work everynight.

I'm just at my wits end. My nerves are shot, my emotional capacity is shot. I have no idea what is reasonable and what is not. I'm fighting anxiety and panic everyday.

I'm not myself and I hate it.

I had thought when Karma first told me about the affairs, of looking up an ex here in ohio. I even tracked down his office number, but never used it.

I'm starting to wish I had. Not because I am interested in starting anything, I don't do long distance very well (as if you hadn't figured that out) but more just to have someone here to hold me and distract me. Someone outside of family to connect with. But I kind of knew that when I looked him up in the first place, and to me that felt like using him, so I never did anything with it. And this would be using him as well. So I guess its better the way it is. One more day and Karma will be here and we can work on us, enjoy our time together, spoil our niece and just chill out. My brother already has beer in the fridge waiting for Karma so he can escape my parents house.
 
I feel as you do Mo. No separation. If I was ever separate for any length of time or forced to have an LDR, I would be done pretty fast, only because I am a touch and smell seeking missile. Sight and hearing mean less to me in terms of closeness and connection.
 
I feel as you do Mo. No separation. If I was ever separate for any length of time or forced to have an LDR, I would be done pretty fast, only because I am a touch and smell seeking missile. Sight and hearing mean less to me in terms of closeness and connection.

It's not only the distance that can cause that feeling of separation. After being apart for a while you just expect that you can just pick up where you left off but it doesn't always work. While you're apart you're both living and changing and when you're back together the changes can be jarring. Over the past few years of spending time apart from my husband I have found that the learning to be together again is far more difficult than living apart is. (Although it's worth it which is why we keep doing it).
 
But more and more I am told my feelings are wrong, my thoughts behind those felings are wrong, my way of looking at things is wrong, and that really fucking hurts.

Because I am sick of hurting and being hurt, I am sick being angry, I am sick of worrying, and I am SICK of crying every Fing day.

Your feelings are not wrong, the the thoughts behind things are not wrong and your way of looking at things is not wrong.

You are YOU and you have the right to feel how you feel.

I understand this. Being told (it felt like) constantly that I was irrational and unreasonable was hell. Being afraid of opening up, talking about what was going on only to be told that its "not a big deal" and I need to "let things go and stop holding grudges" made me doubt and question myself.

Your feelings are real. They are valid. There is nothing WRONG about how you feel or think.

(((HUGS)))
 
((Hugs)) What MBG said.

My husband and I had to learn how to communicate these feelings to each other. We still struggle with wording things so the other gets it, without getting competely defensive. We both assume too much with out getting all the facts first. I accuse and he excuses.

He comes from the view point, that if it wasn't his intention to be hurtful then I have no right to be hurt by it, no matter what he actually said or did. He still has a hard time realizing that a simple "I'm sorry, that was never my intention, what I ment to say was..." would solve a good portion of our arguements and hurt feelings.:rolleyes:
 
He comes from the view point, that if it wasn't his intention to be hurtful then I have no right to be hurt by it, no matter what he actually said or did. He still has a hard time realizing that a simple "I'm sorry, that was never my intention, what I ment to say was..." would solve a good portion of our arguements and hurt feelings.:rolleyes:

Or the viewpoint of "I'm over it, why aren't you yet?"

:eek:
 
I'm realy proud of Karma. He's processing some really hard stuff. I just hope I am able to give him the support he needs. And give the advice he is seeking.
 
For those who care to know, please read my blog. NOTE: This is a shameless plug to get some freakin advice, or at least some alternative points of view and support that I need right now.

And thank you, love. It means more to me right now than you may be aware of.
 
For those who care to know, please read my blog. NOTE: This is a shameless plug to get some freakin advice, or at least some alternative points of view and support that I need right now.

And thank you, love. It means more to me right now than you may be aware of.

I will read your's next!;)

He comes from the view point, that if it wasn't his intention to be hurtful then I have no right to be hurt by it, no matter what he actually said or did. He still has a hard time realizing that a simple "I'm sorry, that was never my intention, what I ment to say was..." would solve a good portion of our arguements and hurt feelings.:rolleyes:

Yes this must be a chromosone thing...seems the boys do not get how easy it is to DEescalate.
 
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It's so weird how being apart for two weeks has made some things different.

Like not being touched in two weeks. No hugs, no nothing. So to suddenly have physical attention again I'm hitting an overload. Yet craving it all the time. The slightest touch is like electric.

Last night at the bar I noticed how much more affectionate we were than my friends and their husbands. I was so filled with love and gratitude and I felt so loved it was amazing. We spent an amazing night together, catching up on lost time. He's having to work at breaking me back in apparently. ;) boundries are having to be pushed again. He's having to pull me back out of my shell. And it's glorious.

I am so appreciative of Karma. For what we have together.

And then this morning he is hit with anxiety and depression again. I am trying so hard to help him. And I am so afraid I am not doing any good. I am so afraid that what I am saying to him isn't any help.

I just hope the books I got him, journaling, having me and his brother to talk to and talking to Cricket help him.

He is bouncing all over the place emotionaly. I wish I had the magic answers, to fix both of their damage and put them back together and we could all live happily ever after.

He's with his brother tonight. So I can allow myself to process the pain I feel for him. Off to take some pills for the physical pain of being out in the cold all day, and cry out the emotional pain.
 
Like not being touched in two weeks. No hugs, no nothing. So to suddenly have physical attention again I'm hitting an overload. Yet craving it all the time. The slightest touch is like electric.

I noticed this too when my husband spent a week in AZ recently. I have never had an issue with seperation before, but this time it was just painful. We have had the year from hell, with a lot of pain but even more healing, which I'm sure had a lot to do with it.

Last night at the bar I noticed how much more affectionate we were than my friends and their husbands.

This has been us lately also :). Again, I think it has to do with both of us working so hard to make things right again. We are together because we want to be, not just because it is familiar anymore.
 
Waiting for Karma to get up so we can do some errands for my parents. My dad was really sick last night, and I need to get out of the house to have my little breakdown. He is such a strong man, but when he gets like this, the slightest thing will send him crying and afraid. I don't want him to know how scared I was.

He passed out twice. I never heard mom call the first time. I feel so guilty. Some how she got him back to bed. the second time was scream for my help that had me jumping out of bed so fast I almost tripped over the blankets.

He was grey. Not responsive, but breathing. I got him to come around while she straightened his body out. After an hour on the floor we got him back in bed and I was able to call Karma, who took over. As much as they have their issues, I think my dad was glad to have a male help him instead of his daughter.

Poor Karma, dealing with so much already, has had no sleep and now has to go run errands with me, becuase I can't lift the things that need done. So much on his plate. Yet he was here as soon as I called. Helped all night, whenever mom called for him. Held me so I could fall asleep.

I really am lucky.
 
I wish I had the magic answers. I can't answer Karmas questions because I can't read Crickets mind. Saying " I don't know honey" doesn't sound very supportive to me. But I don't know what else to say.

I hate seeing his heart break and not having the ability to put it together. This break with Cricket is really taking a toll on him. He's just kind of standing in limbo.

My own fears and feelings aside. I wish I could wave the magic wand and we could all live happily ever after.
 
Saying " I don't know honey" doesn't sound very supportive to me. But I don't know what else to say.

I'm sure just the fact that you are willing to listen to him and comfort him helps a great deal, even if you don't know the answers.

I wish I could wave the magic wand and we could all live happily ever after.

That would be very cool!
 
I'm still working on the magic wand, or magic words, or something.

I want my husband back. I know all too well what he is going through with Cricket.

Part of me is mad at her for yet again sending my life and marriage into chaos.

Part of me wants for her to find whatever it is she is looking for so she can final be happy. Whether that is with Karma or not.

Part of me wants to hunt J down and shove seafood in his mouth (he's allergic). I really can't stand him and he just keeps showing his true, yet so many are so blind to it. I hope his move to PA is permanent. I'd love for that one to be out of my life. What I find funny is he wants Cricket to go with him. Yet he is all about her education. Well, um, an unknown amount of time in PA is not going to help her education. It will derail it real f'ing quick. And how are they going to survive? All this is is a way for him to get her away from Karma so he can sink his talons into her further.

Part of me wants to tell my husband how I feel about it all, but I'm afraid it'll make things harder on him, or that it will be taken as me putting my nose in business that isn't mine. I don't want to have that fight again.

How does one be supportive, when their feelings on the situation are anything but positive?

I want to do the right thing in all of the little situations that make up this big one. I just don't know what that is.
 
How does one be supportive, when their feelings on the situation are anything but positive?

I want to do the right thing in all of the little situations that make up this big one. I just don't know what that is.

HAH!!! Welcome to my world as of late, love.

Just knowing that you've got my back in all of this is enough. I'd have lost it already if it wasn't for you.
 
Mo,
I have eliminated the "W" word (w!sh) from my vocabulary for the immediate future. Why? Because I kept finding myself saying "I w!sh......." to just about everything. Now, I'm not w!shing.....Now I'm doing. You want a majic wand? BE that wand! You want majic answers? Give YOUR answers. Do you think Karma wants to hear a fake answer that will make him feel better, but isn't the REAL you? I highly doubt it.

Sometimes, we know the answers, but don't want to say them for fear of rejection. Sometimes, the hardest answers, are the right ones.

I would explain to Karma, that while you love him, you really hate to see him hurting like this. Explain to him that you don't want to hurt him more, but this is how you see things from a, somewhat, outsiders view. Then re-affirm that you DO want him to have this relationship, but that you don't know that it is a productive one, and is putting un-necessary strain on your marriage to him. Explain that you will be there no matter what, but it just hurts you to see him getting hurt.

Mo, I'm sorry I'm not more of a help....but that's my advise for now.
 
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