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Old 05-24-2010, 12:14 PM
kittyb kittyb is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 5
Default Poly-thinking girl here :)

Hi there

I've been reading on this site for a little while, and decided to post just to introduce myself. I'm 30 years old, and about to celebrate 5 years with my boyfriend. I've been thinking for about a year now that I might be poly, but I haven't acted on it at all or brought it up with the b/f yet.

I'll probably talk to him about it soon... although if he's not comfortable with it I may just have to suck it up. I love him very much and except for sex we have a pretty awesome relationship. I have a fairly high libido, and he recently, finally, explained to me that he doesn't enjoy sex. After we talked about why, I went a-Googling and found several pages describing ejaculatory anhedonia, and I told him about it. He was astonished that there was actually a name for the condition and that he wasn't the only one. Long story short, he basically doesn't experience either a sexual build-up or an orgasm to any noticable degree, although he has no problem with the act, physically. But for him, there's no payout, except to please me, so lovemaking is kind of a chore for him. For the last 3 years we've had sex on average once a month... If I had my 'druthers it'd be 3 times a week.

But anyway, I don't think it's just about the sex, either. I like to spend time with my partner (partners? if I have em?) and although we enjoy the time we spend together he's more of a hermit and loner. I've found this to be an issue in every prior relationship that I've had as well, wanting to spend more time with my partner, while they would prefer "alone" time. I've gotten much better at giving the needed "alone" and "guy" time, but at the same time I feel lonely and unfulfilled. I have a variety of hobbies and spend a lot of time on my own, working, or cleaning/taking care of our pets, so it's not that I cling to him to the exclusion of all else... I simply feel like I need more love.

I understand that poly is not a solution to a bad relationship, but other than our differing emotional and sexual needs, we do in fact have a great relationship. I've brought up the topic a few times and in general he's very accepting of the idea. I have no idea what he'll think of it, specifically as regards us, but I'm going to proceed carefully, openly, and with love. He had a past long-distance relationship where his ex cheated on him, and I absolutely don't want him to feel like that.

I don't want to replace him, and I want to build a life with him, spend time with him, make love with him, have kids together, all that jazz. He's my sweetheart, my companion in nerdiness, goofiness, gothiness, my buddy, my political debater, my ranter and raver about unfairness in the world, and it's a treat to wake up next to him day after day. Whatever we do in our relationship it will be done with openness, honesty, and mutual agreement, or it will not be done at all.

I simply want my life to be fulfilled and to love, physically, and emotionally, to the fullest extent that I need to be my happiest. Anyway, it's great to read on here and meet other people who feel the same way. If anyone would like to comment or add input or suggestions, feel free to do so

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