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Old 01-31-2012, 05:59 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Welcome to you as well, SourGirl. There is a pun involving your screen name and the manner in which you like to answer that crosses my mind each time I read some of your straight to the point, sharped-tongued posts, unfortunately it doesn't work in English But let's skip the small-talk and get back to topic.

Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
In a way, it almost seems like a DADT policy, with children involved.
Indeed, this hits the nail right on the head. And I don't get it. I am really worried that this will cause complications. Not in the sense that we would re-discuss if we should change our approach to children, but in regard to the actual situation getting real, meaning a biological and an 'adopted' child and Lin having problems because the kid may prefer Sward in certain situation over him.

Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
I wonder though, about the 'reality' aspect. Odds are, children will inherit physical features of their parents, and then there is always that 'sneaking suspicion'. I wonder if that would create problems, with an 'elephant in the room' type of scenario ?
Another aspect I put up for discussion. Because from my point of view this will likely be the case. It would be distinguishable who is the biological father for sure after some time. The main point for Lin seems to be the possibility to say something like: “Ah, look, behavior x/y is so typically me!” or “Have you seen these little dimples? She got that from her father.” My answer to the first part was: “Yeah, but that isn't a question of genes, the kids will adopt some gestures or manners from all of us. That's the main reason why children start to take after their parents.”
Concerning the second point: Yes, there could be some recognizable features, but as soon as the elephant is standing in the room (I love the metaphor btw <3) the initially (meant to be) more comfortable situation would be made void after all. *sigh* I really don't get it, as it seems.

Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
My husband is the biological father of 2 out of my 4. He has been in the lives of the older 2 since they were very young. There is no difference in his love for biological vs. 'step'-children. There are plenty of step and co-parents who love the child equally.
That was my experience as well. My father isn't my biological one and it never mattered to me or him. I kind of assume that this whole discussion will be null and void as soon as the little ones are there and smile at them for the first time. But I fear that there will be something in the back of Lin's mind that could cause some problems from time to time for himself. I don't think that this will affect the children directly, this seems to be more on the personal, private level for him. If anyone knows someone who thinks alike and can offer a different explanation why he would prefer knowing/not knowing, feel free to chime in.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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