BDsm

Well, it's a board for perverts. I do not find it scary at all. Quite friendly and fun.

The OP does not seem vanilla so I do not get your point.

Relating my own experience with FetLife. I'm (relatively) vanilla.
 
I happen to be poly, within limits, which I've elaborated on in another thread I started.

Not interested in Fetlife at this time, though thank you for suggesting it.

OK, I read your other thread.

To find a Master, I am not sure why you wouldnt try "Facebook for kinky people," aka Fetlife. Or collarme.com. That's another place full of eager so-called Doms. Maybe you'd find a good one. My gf is there and gets about 30 hits a day. She's sub.
 
OK, I read your other thread.

To find a Master, I am not sure why you wouldnt try "Facebook for kinky people," aka Fetlife. Or collarme.com. That's another place full of eager so-called Doms. Maybe you'd find a good one. My gf is there and gets about 30 hits a day. She's sub.

I think I have a master, is why.

The whole reason I'm like this now, is become of him. He's melded me into who I am. She's irreplaceable.

No one else can be my Master.
 
I think I have a master, is why.

The whole reason I'm like this now, is become of him. He's melded me into who I am. She's irreplaceable.

No one else can be my Master.

But this is the post you wrote when you started this thread:


I'd like to find someone worthy of dominating me. I'd like to find someone to fit me that way. Someone to pull my strings and make me move how they want me to move which is also how I need to move (for me). Someone as intense as me. And who can tone me down and make me behave and get a grip. But someone who also knows when I know best.

Sigh. Yeah. Pretty impossible.

So, could you make up your mind, please? which is it? Do you have a Master or don't you? Are you looking for one or aren't you? Is it "impossible" or not? :confused:
 
But this is the post you wrote when you started this thread:




So, could you make up your mind, please? which is it? Do you have a Master or don't you? Are you looking for one or aren't you? Is it "impossible" or not? :confused:


:(


Yes, I feel like I do. But perhaps on that day I felt frustrated. Or too alone. My master and I are learning each other I think.

Letting go of your own power, when you are very strong, isn't easy. At the same time, you are building trust (if the relationship is to grow and blossom), and both must occur when you meld with someone else. People aren't linear equations; we have quirks and issues affecting us that can put a kink in things.

I modeled the OP basically on what my master has awakened in me. And I hope and pray that it continues to progress. That is all I know.

I'm sorry if my post confused anyone.
 
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1824&highlight=BDSM&page=53

That is the main BDSM thread. TBH- I think the touchy, in part, comes from local communities that blend poly meets with BDSM munches. It makes people who are poly, but vanilla feel unwelcomed and uncomfortable. We've had people leave the NY state's poly site because they felt that there were too many people on there involved in kink and felt marginalized. It is better to have only one thread where everyone who wants to participate in the conversation can find it, rather than have multiple threads appear that might scare people off perhaps?
 
Meh, I disagree.

I think anything that promotes discussion and communication is good. Isn't that a poly concept after all? Open Communication?

I've already stated that bdsm is too broad a category. All kinds of detailed threads are started on here. I see no reason a D/s thread is out of place.
 
D/s to me is an add on to poly. For some, poly is an add on to D/s. They are not necessarily linked. On THIS particular thread in THIS section linking the two would be appropriate. If other stuff about D/s is of interest then it would be best to start a new thread in the "fireplace" section.

The assumption that poly and D/s go hand in hand is just that.... an assumption. If there is one thing I have learned about poly is to not assume or expect anything. I often realize that what I have in my head is not factual when I do this.

Our community too has had its divisions around this. There is a fracture that has occured that has divided those that enjoy casual sex (sex parties, swinging, private encounters), those who practice D/s and those that are poly. There are over laps but they don't go hand in hand for everyone.
 
Thanks, RP, that's what I was trying to say, but my brain is muddled today. For us, BDSM is an add on to poly because the relationships existed before kink was added to them. For others it may happen differently. For others it may not happen at all and that is okay too.

I respect that others will disagree and that there are those who are poly who do not wish to have poly associated with the kink community much the same way that I do not feel that swinging goes hand in hand with poly. That is why I suggested that we move any further discussion about D/s to the BDSM thread in the Fireplace. Because if you just want to talk about D/s in general, the General Discussion thread is not the place for it unless you are relating it to a specific poly relationship. IMO.
 
Suck me bitches.

D/s is totally a poly subject.
Wow, is that really how you respond to a Moderator suggesting your thread may be in the wrong place and offering to move it for you?

And D/s is a subject that can stand alone. It isn't "totally" a poly subject. I mean, come on - a little common sense will tell you otherwise. Many people into D/s are not poly and many poly people are not into D/s at all. Just because you combine the two in your life doesn't mean everyone does. :/

As I already said, the BDSM thread is a large subject. It is completely logical to start a thread for D/s.
At the very least, this thread should be in the Fireplace, I think. You're not really talking about anything specifically poly here.

Did a tag search and don't see any compelling threads. Perhaps you could link the best one? And we'll see if it's applicable.
Um, hello? I was the first one to respond to your original post with a link to our Master Thread on BDSM. Scroll back to the first page to see it.

There used to be less of a number of threads on similar topics here back when one of the Mods used to merge topics to create Master Threads. There was a reason for that; it makes it easier to find variety of discussions on specific subjects. The Master Thread on BDSM addresses any and all aspects of that subject. If you want to discuss something specific about only D/s, that is the appropriate thread this should be merged with.
 
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Wow, is that really how you respond to a Moderator suggesting your thread may be in the wrong place and offering to move it for you?

Hahahaha! :D I thought they were joking. hm. Maybe I was wrong.

See, there ya go, I'm assuming again....

Sadly I have gotten used to not being disrespected by some people that come here. I am respected by others and that is enough for me. :p

There used to be less of a number of threads on similar topics here back when one of the Mods used to merge topics to create Master Threads. There was a reason for that; it makes it easier to find variety of discussions on specific subjects. The Master Thread on BDSM addresses any and all aspects of that subject. If you want to discuss something specific about only D/s, that is the appropriate thread this should be merged with.
This thread has been tagged and it should come up in a search along with the others. That's good enough I should think.
 
This thread has been tagged and it should come up in a search along with the others. That's good enough I should think.
Well, I meant IF it gets merged, that is where I would think it would go. Just wondering why it isn't it in the Fireplace, but whatever. Doesn't matter, I guess.
 
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Well, I meant IF it gets merged, that is where I would think it would go. Just wondering why it isn't it in the Fireplace, but whatever. Doesn't matter, I guess.
movin' it right along my dear. ;) I will take that as a cue, from a long standing participant here, that this thread doesn't address poly a whole lot, if at all.... going on your word and moving it, as I haven't read the whole thing.
 
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tldr


It's just a little thread amongst a forum where hundreds of threads are started every month.

Can anyone say "micromanagement?"

I had expected more from a 'poly' community than these petty complaints about thread location, thread existence, etc. More openness. And, yes, I am quite aware that poly is as varied as the individuals involved in it, Whoever lectured me up there^.


This forum needs to grow up. ? Not sure what is going on here.

No need to respond. I'll leave y'all to your circle jerk forum. :p
 
Hey everybody,
I came across an interesting blog and did a little reading about a certain kind of domination which got me curious about something, so I thought I'd post a question here. I know I've read on this forum that people have been, or know others who have been, in D/s relationships that are totally online.

How does that work? I admit that totally online relationships of any kind mystify me for many reasons - but to dom someone that way would seem even more challenging. I am aware that pros do this sort of thing online and charge subs for their various services - and I imagine there is a lot of web-camming going on. But what about real Doms and Dommes who are not pros? In this one blog several Dommes said they would never send nude pictures or explicit videos of themselves to a sub, because that would lower their position (and a sub wouldn't "deserve" it). How do they develop the relationship, dominate, enforce their contracts, etc.? And how would they know the subs are really who they say they are?

If you or anyone you know has an online D/s thing going on that isn't professional, I hope you share the logistics of it and how it is managed and maintained. Just so curious - I had to ask!

Also, do you think anyone gets into domming in order to gain confidence and develop leadership skills, or is it usually just something they are naturally skilled at?
 
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I think it's something some people are naturally skilled at and/or enjoy, but i also think it's possible to "act" dominant in order to please your partner... or satisfy your customer.

That said (that's my latest segue), i don't think there would be any use for dominant partners or Masters/Mistresses, etc. if there wasn't such a demand by submissive types. Perhaps i'm mistaken, but i do not believe being submissive is something you can fake and still enjoy in order to please your partner, due to the "optional" nature of that power-imbalance. Besides, i thought i read that subs outnumber doms by... I don't remember exactly, but it was at least by an order of magnitude or two.
 
I think it's something some people are naturally skilled at and/or enjoy, but i also think it's possible to "act" dominant in order to please your partner... or satisfy your customer.

That said (that's my latest segue), i don't think there would be any use for dominant partners or Masters/Mistresses, etc. if there wasn't such a demand by submissive types. Perhaps i'm mistaken, but i do not believe being submissive is something you can fake and still enjoy in order to please your partner, due to the "optional" nature of that power-imbalance. Besides, i thought i read that subs outnumber doms by... I don't remember exactly, but it was at least by an order of magnitude or two.

I totally agree with this. My husband is submissive...it's who he is and always has been. I tend to lean toward dominance, but am more vanilla. I can "act" dominant to him when that's what he wants/needs. He can also "act" dominant during play, but that's where it ends. His submissiveness is a part of who he is.
 
Deliciousness

Hey everybody,
I came across an interesting blog and did a little reading about a certain kind of domination which got me curious about something, so I thought I'd post a question here. I know I've read on this forum that people have been, or know others who have been, in D/s relationships that are totally online.

How does that work? I admit that totally online relationships of any kind mystify me for many reasons - but to dom someone that way would seem even more challenging. I am aware that pros do this sort of thing online and charge subs for their various services - and I imagine there is a lot of web-camming going on. But what about real Doms and Dommes who are not pros? In this one blog several Dommes said they would never send nude pictures or explicit videos of themselves to a sub, because that would lower their position (and a sub wouldn't "deserve" it). How do they develop the relationship, dominate, enforce their contracts, etc.? And how would they know the subs are really who they say they are?

If you or anyone you know has an online D/s thing going on that isn't professional, I hope you share the logistics of it and how it is managed and maintained. Just so curious - I had to ask!

Also, do you think anyone gets into domming in order to gain confidence and develop leadership skills, or is it usually just something they are naturally skilled at?

My online dom was back in the days of IRC, when there was no readily available way to transfer pictures. We would meet in a chat room, and have sessions. It was wildly sexual and liberating for me, and he enjoyed having someone who was so willing. I suppose I could have been faking and he wouldn't have known about it, but I didn't fake. I did everything he told me to, without question - that was our agreement, and I thought about him a lot in my day to day life. For me it was more intellectual than anything else, and *I* chose to make it physical.

For me, domming is a way of using my confidence and authority to bring pleasure to a sub. It's a role, and it's fun - but I'm a switch, so being a sub can be really fun too. I think being a dilligent and obedient sub gives me a standard to hold my subs to when I switch. It's good for my leadership skills because I have a place in my life where someone cannot say no to me (unless they use their safe word, of course), but it's totally different, as I would NEVER manage my staff from an 'on high' place - that's no way to build a team, LOL. In that same breath, I think that my style of real-life management adds something to my sub's experiences - I can spot their shortcomings as a sub and completely and utterly capitalize on it - I am used to spotting weaknesses in a team and working to strengthen them, so challenging a sub in a really psychologically taboo area is easier for me.
 
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Hey everybody,
How do they develop the relationship, dominate, enforce their contracts, etc.?

I've had a bit of personal experience in this. You develop the relationship by talking. The Dom/me tells the sub what to do. The Dom/me demands to be addressed respectfully, usually to be called Ma'am, Miss, Sir, Daddy or some other term of respect. "Enforcement" isn't needed, because it is all consensual. If a sub doesn't please, he or she knows they will be dropped.


And how would they know the subs are really who they say they are?

I'm not sure what you mean by this. Not really a sub? Not really the gender or age or whatever that they say they are? A sub can send pix or get on cam even if their Dom/me doesn't want to. But I can imagine some Dom/mes who would be ok with getting on cam themselves.

I've ordered subs to do various things and I am pretty sure they were actually doing what they said they were, just by the apparent excitement they showed in their typing. Sometimes you have them do such and such (wear a certain outfit, get in a certain position, masturbate in public, flog themselves, tie up their cock and balls, etc, there are so many fun things to do!), and write on a piece of paper, or on their body, something like, "Hello Miss X (the Dom/me's name), this one (meaning themselves) is your slut," and take a pic of themselves, along with the piece of signed paper.

Also, do you think anyone gets into domming in order to gain confidence and develop leadership skills, or is it usually just something they are naturally skilled at?

You need a certain degree of leadership skills, but they can be further developed in the relationship. Likewise, the sub/slave is trained to be a more pleasing sub, learning to do things that specifically please their Miss/Master.
 
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