Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

Is chivlary dead??

I went to the hosp where my new friend E works. I drove around the (many different parking areas)for 30 till I finally found her car. I put 2 roses and a note that said cant wait to see you on our date night.

She melted and was total shocked that anyone would do somthing like that. Now I read about Mono leaving the love notes on RP jogging route ( by the way brother THAT IS CASANOVA STYLE SMOOTH ). DO guys really stop being romantic when the " Honey moon is over"?

One of the great things about poly ( at least for me) there isnt a rut to get caught up in. Giving flowers to E made me that much more determined to do/go the extra step to show my wifey how much I unconditionally love her.

Im in LOVE wih LOVING!



Maca
 
Your post could not have come at a more opportune time for me to read! You are SO right!! Oh - and Mono - Maca is so right on - that's just awesome.

When Violet and I started dating a year and a half ago, she always commented on the things I would do - really basic stuff, opening doors and pulling chairs and bringing flowers. It has driven me nuts all this time how unusual she and Lana find this kind of behaviour - how have they not been treated this way before? And I'm not even GOOD at it - Mono's efforts put me to SHAME!

And now we have Adrian. And it's on a whole new level. In fact, the events that led to her being in our lives started with a conversation about how she'd never been taken on a "nice date". So I told I would take her on one - I didn't think about or care where it led, but this girl shouldbe shown a real night out. We went out a couple times before this "big date" and it turned out the connection was really there, making that night all the better, but the point is - I showed up with roses, took her to a pricey but not expensive restaraunt, walked around downtown a bit, took her to a fun but not fancy club - nothing special at all. And this girl was litereally in tears on and off all night over the treatment. I didn't know what to think! This constitutes a minimum effort for a real date in my book, and I'm not even good at the romance stuff, and she was literally thrilled to tears over it. And both other girls aren't much different!

These are beautiful, smart, interesting 21 to 24 year old women who by all rights could have their pick of any heterosexual man on earth. I keep tellling them they could each do far better than settling for me - I'm a decent catch, but they're all out of my league, lol - there are guys that are smarter, better looking, more sucessful, and would treat them even better than I do. They have their own interrelationships, but all 3 are completely enamored of me in their own way apart from the "bigger picture". And in my book, it's for no other reason than I'm not a complete douchebag.

Everywhere we go as a group, I get the looks and the questions. How does a guy like me have 3 girlfreinds like them, who are cool with that fact and with each other. If I told them just how easy it was, they'd call me a liar.

And the stories I hear about the treatment from past relationships has on more than one occasion brought me completely to tears. And I don't mean the outright abusive ones, of which there are a few - just the lack of compassion and respect.

And yes Maca - the more involved with them, the more I want to do. That date with Adrian has resulted in me being far more romantically inclined and active toward all of them. And ya' know what? I LOVE IT! :)
 
NRE, ahhh, the sweet bliss of it all. Enjoy HMA, hope all is well when its over.

It seems that roses, love notes and smiley faces ends with NRE for most. Chivalry is not dead Maca. For most it just has a life span. I know you and Mono are not that way (can't speak to you HMA, cause I don't know you :)), but for all the relationships I have been in, its been the same. I have been the same. With Mono I/we give and think of giving and keep at it as much as we can. Its such a vitally important part of the "fun" part of a relationship and I really think a large part why people look to poly relationships or other relationships in general, because that joy is gone and they either can't get it back or don't know how to.
 
Poly Camp

WOW! We just got back from our first poly camp and is not what I expected, but definitely a great time.

There were people there from Western Canada, as well as Washington State. Redpepper, Polynerdist and I hosted a workshop/discussion on Vs and triads, which focused on how we work together and why we work so well. Derby was also a part of this, which worked out great when we discussed the relationships between metamours. (Thanks, Derby.) There were several other workshops, including a message one and a Poly 101 discussion hosted by this forum's very own Geminigirl. Thanks to you, too!!

Today Redpepper and I hosted a workshop on mono/poly relationships. This was not one I was looking forward too, but Redpepper was very supportive of me. I was worried about being triggered, but this didn't happen. We drew upon many of the experiences on this forum, as well as why it works for us, specifically. It ended up being a very rewarding experience. Thanks for pushing me a little, Lilo!

All in all, this was a great experience. We met new people and got to know some old ones much better. Can't wait till next year.

Big thanks to Redpepper for urging her men to share our story and keeping us focused, so there actually were workshops from our perspective. You rock, sexy Bbay! I love you.
 
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Yes, thanks to Derby, Nerdist, and Geminigirl for making poly camp a really rewarding experience. I can't believe how much Mono and I have achieved and how much work we have done. Unbelievable. It all came out in our discussions, as did many other interesting points about mono/poly relationships from a poly perspective that I had not deeply considered, but just briefly touched on. More threads to post! :)

Thank you also to everyone on this forum who contributes and puts themselves out there so we may learn. I have learned so much and really appreciate what a gift that is.
 
I had chivalry ground into my brain at a young age, and you're right, it does seem to be dead. Most of the girls I've dated are used to guys that don't know how to treat a woman, or, in a few cases, deliberately treat them like crap. I don't get it.

I still get a little miffed when Mohegan doesn't let me get the door for her, but that's not her fault. My uncle (the main father figure in my childhood) still to this day cuffs me in the back of the head if he catches me forgetting to open the door for any woman.

And yes, he taught me to light a lady's cigarette for her, as well. Just try to convince my wife to slow down and let someone do that for her, though.
 
I just wanted to put in my two cents and say that Mono and Redpepper's workshops (especially the one they put on together regarding mono-poly relationships) were excellent. They handled a touchy and complex subject with poise and wisdom!
 
I really wish the poly group here in Vegas were more active and more accessible. We've had a devil of a time even figuring out when and where they meet, much less being able to put together something like that. There's no excuse for it, especially since we live in the convention capitol of the freakin' planet!

RP, Karma, I too hold that these things can wane a bit over time. But to my mind that's part of it being 'dead.' I have never understood why people talk about sex lives stalling in marriage (mine waxed and waned a bit, but at our least active was far more so than what I read is the 'average'), and while there is definitely a surge of romantic behavior during the courting phase and 'honeymoon period,' I would NEVER let it go completely. Perish the thought!

Back to the camp and poly groups and whatnot-- what about organizing a national (Canada doesn't make it international, I can cross without a passport, lol) poly convention sometime, on a bigger level than has been done before? I have connections here for space and special rates. :eek:
 
Back to the camp and poly groups and whatnot - what about organizing a national (Canada doesn't make it international, I can cross without a passport, lol) poly convention sometime? On a bigger level than has been done before? I have connections here for space and special rates... :eek:

Can you still? I thought you needed a passport.

And yes, I have connections at several hotels and could set something like this set up. if numbers were accurate. etc. Both in the city and in Whistler BC. :)
 
It was an international poly camp. There were people there from Portland, Oregon, Washington State, all over. It wasn't huge, but people represented, for sure.

Back to success and happiness again. We seem to get off topic on here, don't we? ;)

I had a great day with Nerdist today. We had the day off together, or at least the morning. We went and signed our wills, leaving our boy to Mono, and the house, if he is raising him. That felt really good and the right decision. We made my tertiary the executor of the will. The two of them will be very able to take care of things the way we would want. It feels much better than my parents doing it. Because of this years event's it became evident that we needed to change that.

We have needed some settling time lately, Nerdist and I, as we have much to talk about and rarely get the chance to connect. It just goes to show how much taking time with poly relationships is needed. We are working on several things at once: his relationship with rolypoly and where it is going, how it affects our lives, Mono and us living together, and Nerdist's seemingly endless dissatisfaction with his career. We managed to cover it all without having an all-out fight that ended in disconnection.

I gave him a pep talk about his career, talked about some hard stuff about roly, some hard stuff about Mono and us, and all of it with minimal emotion and drama!

Yes folks, Redpepper has drama. All the time. It's a mainstay, but is just part of it and I need to embrace it or become mono. The latter is not happening, so drama it is. I just need to not be a drama queen, is all.

Anyway, I feel good tonight for the first time in a long time. Good as in grounded, sure-footed, content, like we are on the same page, like I gave and now am reaping the benefits in knowing Nerdist feels better and that we are making a move forward with a better understanding and patience than we had before. Also knowing that he is giving to me by trying to get there with the moving-in together thing. He is still miles behind me, but he is catching up and making an effort to catch up. That is all I ask, really. I can wait if I know he is trying and working on it.

This afternoon, I spent my time with Mono telling him the details. This is my life, talking about hard stuff and then telling everyone else I am with how it went and what happened. It's endless, necessary and I love it. :D Crazy, I know, but I really do.

Thankfully, Derby and I are doing well. I don't feel I see her half as much as she requires and that makes me sad, but I can't do more than talk to her on MSN all day and see her with others around mostly, except for our treasured dates every two weeks. This week we are going to the night market in a nearby town. Dinner, market, smooches, cuddles and a much needed talk. I can't wait! :)
 
got a phone call...

From someone I met at the local poly meeting. She, husband and gf were in town on family business. They invited me to dinner and I had a wonderful time, great conversation, and I got the friendship connection I've needed.

Two years ago I moved to Florida. Because I traveled with my job, I didn't establish solid friendships, just acquaintances. This conversation was like talking to old friends. I know that's an illusion. We don't know each other that well. But we've got common interests, and can laugh about things, and enjoy subjects that bore or shock most people (sci-fi, medical conditions, past loves, etc.).

And I'll be able to help them next Saturday, moving some stuff, which makes me feel useful. And I'll get another dose of friendly banter.
 
Thankfully, Derby and I are doing well. I don't feel I see her half as much as she requires and that makes me sad, but I can't do more than talk to her on MSN all day and see her with others around mostly, except for our treasured dates every two weeks. This week we are going to the night market in a close by town. Dinner, market, smooches, cuddles and a much needed talk. I can't wait! :)

Please don't be sad. Although I'd love to see you more, I'm very aware that you have others in your life who also need you and it would be incredibly selfish of me to ask you to take away from them. We're taking things at a pace that they need to be taken. Over time, I expect that time commitments will change and that our families will become more integrated. But there isn't any rush for that to happen. Our relationship will grow and change and develop, just like any other relationship. I'm happy with where we are and excited to see where we will go.

-Derby
 
Posted a couple of pics from Pride and poly camp. They're all looking happy enough to be mentioned here. :)
 
I had a break down of honesty and I got caught up in trying to keep the peace when I should have been trying to be open and honest. LR and I had a blowout about it.

I took a hard look at how and why things had gone the way that they did. Found the problem and went about fixing it right away.

In doing so, I managed to open up the lines of communication between LR, E , and myself. In the end E and LR made a date to hangout, when LR comes up next month for her doctors appointment, I got the complete approval of E from LR. ( Which means alot me to me) and I learned a hugh lesson about myself and the rewards of COMPLETE honesty.


I had a nice moment with E, when she came to the hospital. I was there for my mother in-law and E happens to work there so she came by and took me to her office and fixed me some tea. We had a great talk and then we both texted LR about our time before we parted for the evening. Afterwards LR and I spent an hour or more talking about life, love, our goals and what we want to do with OUR future. Its was awesome!

Its sad that we will be leaving and E will still be here but the good that we can do for eachother in the time we have is worth it.


Peace and Love

Maca
 
Last night Redpepper, Polynerdist and I had a great discussion about connections and why some people value them more than others. He and I are very similar in some ways. With Redpepper's input we reached some very interesting insights. I was lying on his bed as he folded laundry and Redpepper came in towards the end of the discussion. We were just two friends chatting. We have a great deal of trust in each other, which has forged a bond that makes our talks very open and vulnerable. I really can't ask for a better friend in my life. Redpepper has given me a lot of gifts through her love, and her husband's friendship is one of the most rewarding. :)
 
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Finding a way to negotiate through the hurt and frustration of Maca not being open and honest with me was a good thing.
I think we both found that we are much better with ourselves and each other now that we've looked again at the chasm of distance that exists in a "somewhat honest" relationship and decided that neither of us wish for that type of marriage.

I look forward to seeing how things develop from here. :)

I sure do look forward to seeing things develop when we are both here!!
 
So yesterday and last night = whole new level of connection between Violet and Adrian, which spilled over to me. This just keeps getting better.

There is now open talk of Adrian moving in and nobody is objecting. In fact, I am hearing happy noises from Violet and Lana about the idea and there may have been some discussion about paint colors in one of the presently empty rooms, lol.

Lana finally got to spend some alone time out with Adrian, which went as amazingly well as we all thought it would. They were last to connect with each other on a personal level and there was some concern over how the two "thirds" would handle one another, especially as there is (as of yet, we're starting to wonder about Lana, though, lol) no romantic interest there. No huhu. They had a blast.

On the one hand, this is moving REALLY fast. It's only been a couple of weeks since 1st date. On the other hand, we've all spent more time around her in those couple of weeks than most people would spend with a new flame in 2 months, lol. Literally, she's been with us almost constantly since first date, never more than 24 hours apart yet. She fits into our little troupe so naturally that none of us can believe it's only been 2 weeks, lol. It really does feel like we're 6 months into this relationship.
 
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Of course I will. :)

I keep waiting for the "Dude, it's only been a couple of weeks. Are you crazy?" posts. I know they should be coming, lol, ESPECIALLY after what happened with Anne, which moved too fast, and not as fast as this!

On the other hand, if it's right and everyone feels it, is there such a thig as too fast? Violet and I moved extremely quickly when we met, because neither of us could justify not doing so, lol. We tried. We talked about it. And then we'd jump right back into it. This feels very much the same way. There was constant drama and concerns and issues with Anne, and there is NONE with Adrian. She just settled into her comfort zone while we all found ours, and that was that, and now the meshing is well underway, and everything just fits. 🤷
 
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