Dingedheart, I'm sorry that you were unhappy in your marriage and felt neglected by your wife. But I think you are projecting your experiences into my point, and they don't belong there. The kind of interactions you describe are NOT what I consider "natural/normal shifts in attention or affection." They are absolutely not what I am talking about when I talk about the way libido changes over time in a healthy long-term partnership.
Originally Posted by dingedheart
If someone was "resistant" .... meaning more than than the usual excuses.... or "indifferent".... or general loss of interest .... to have sex with you ....it may dampen or kill the mood for you.
Of course it would!! But what about when I said "having sex with my husband is a frequent and wonderful experience for me" makes it sound like I am resistant or indifferent? Frequent means we have sex a lot, and wonderful means I enjoy it a lot!
I don't know what you mean by "more than the usual excuses". I can only imagine that the "usual excuses" differ from marriage to marriage. In my marriage, neither of us has ever refused or deferred sex when it's been offered to the other, not once that I can think of in 8 years. So I don't have any "usual excuses".
If your wife seemed resistant or indifferent to you, I'm sorry. That must have hurt. Just to assure you again, it's definitely not what I'm talking about when I talk about how libido changes in a long-term healthy partnership.
Sorry you were upset by a squabble about restaurants on your anniversary one year. That sucks.
I had my anniversary only last week. We had sex before we left for the restaurant.
Takes the pressure off for after.
So you take this type incident, small facial gestures, less phone call during the day , etc, etc ... more of her "working Late" and one is left with an impression. I wasn't seeing it as Natural and normal.
I wouldn't either, and I hope you can see that now--that we're not talking about the same thing here. I understand your plight and I definitely agree that the "little things" can add up to make you feel neglected.
The OP wants to make sure she doesn't make her partner feel neglected even though her biology is causing her to react more strongly to the new partner--which I maintain is totally normal, or at least an experience I share. But I think that you can enjoy your NRE while also making sure your other partner doesn't feel like you've lost interest.