View Single Post
Old 08-31-2011, 01:47 PM
trueRiver trueRiver is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Manchester, England & Tain, Scotland
Posts: 85

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Wow, what culture believes this? I've not heard of that.
Lots of married British women feel unable to accept a hug from anyone except their husband (and by 'married' I include some live-together LTRs).

For example, I was in the cafe where I often have lunch, and L was there, an attractive married woman who is definitely mono. This day she was looking really haggard and about 20 years older than usual. 'Would you appreciate a hug?' I said; 'River, you know I am not allowed' she says. So it is time to stick to the previously negotiated boundary: one hand on her nearest shoulder. 'What's up?'.

Later on, I said to her 'you need to explain to a certain someone that huggin ain't shaggin'. She laughed, saw it as a jokey flirt but not as a literal truth. Thing is, I really don't think husband would mind, it is that L would *feel* unfaithful accepting a hug from me, even in a bereavement situation.

I admire her fidelity to her own standards, at the same time as feeling her own standards are daft.

Second example, poly woman, M, several bfs + gfs. Hugs other friends 'hello' or 'goodbye' but will not sit snuggled up with someone who is not a partner or she hopes will be one soon: huggy friendships don't make sense to her.

In both cases, what these very different women share is the idea that hugs imply 'we are on the way to a sexual encounter' and therefore belong only in that context.

Maybe this is a specifically Brit thing?

There are two Rivers here now: which one is this?

quaker poly experiences and poly: a quaker perspective

I hope other British Quakers who are poly (or wonder if they are) will contact me here, thanks, Friends.
Reply With Quote