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Old 08-31-2011, 10:42 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,345

Originally Posted by MoniMoni View Post
I'm 40 years old and was with a woman for 15 years...We split up a little over a year ago...
Sorry for your loss. I hope you've recovered and are enjoying your new freedom!

I am not too familiar with Polyamory but things have changed a bit. I met a man about a month ago and we hit it off right away... When talking with this man he had stated that he was married and he was in a Polyamorous relationship. I was not unfamiliar with the term Polyamory but don't know much about it. Him and I talk about it and things are still going well, I'm finding that I'm really open to this.
Being with a poly guy who has a primary can be a good way to keep your independence for a while... for as long as you like!

I'm just having a hard time with what the "rules" are. I hate to use that word but I am so not wanting to interfere in the dynamics of their marriage that I'm not sure how I really am going to fit in. He's very open to my questions and has answered everything I have asked. I just feel out of sorts asking when it's ok to text or call.

I just don't know how things work and I'm sure it's different in every Poly relationship. I just feel like I'm muttering through it all for now.
Well, it does depend on the particular couple... but don't forget, as a "secondary," your feelings, needs, and rights are just as important as theirs.

Try and work through feeling "out of sorts" to ask what kind of boundaries the couple has around him getting your texts and calls. One thing we all agree on here is that clear and honest communication is extremely important in polyamory... even moreso than in mono relationships.

His wife's comfort around him getting messages from other lovers partly depends on how long they've been practicing polyamory and how well they have worked through the initial jealousy issues. Another factor would be if they are both extremely busy with jobs or kids or other such things, and don't really have that much time to be together and focused on each other.

Have you talked to his wife yet online, or met her in person?

For my gf miss pixi and me, we have times when we want to focus on each other, and other times in the day where we both enjoy sitting on our respective computers and talking to others, either friends or lovers. If one of us wants some focused attention, we make sure to tell the other. It's not up to the other people to read either of our minds about how we are feeling about talking to others.

I don't want to feel overwhelmed with things as this should be a great beginning, I guess it will just take time to learn. I appreciate any questions, comments or suggestions that any of you have to offer.
As you read around the board, you will find a nice variety of how people make poly work for them.

Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
You don't need the permission or approval of people on this forum to live your life as you see fit.
Huh? I didn't get the idea she was asking for anyone's permission or approval, just for information and experiences.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixie (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (single, poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Seeing Rick and Glori (MF partnered, both 33 and poly) since September 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's bf for 3+ years
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