Neon ....Charming as usual .... always a kind word. Did you get that buzz after that last post or is that code for something else ..wink wink nudge nudge.
I'm sorry my experience and perspective annoys you. Ill try to get a new experience and a better perspective in the future.
Mz ....your objection is noted ....however, it was used in a question to illustrate my prospective. I don't know your arrangement or how you came to this lifestyle but I can tell you that coming from a 15yr mono marriage that these "natural " / "normal" shifts in attention or affection feel bad....very bad. So to illustrate the same point I'll remove the objectionable word .... If someone was "resistant" .... meaning more than than the usual excuses.... or "indifferent".... or general loss of interest .... to have sex with you ....it may dampen or kill the mood for you. Its hard to convey because it encompasses all verbal and non verbal communication as well as patterns of behavior some dating 17-18yrs in addition to small incidents and events. After a while it seemed that dates ...time ...and most certainly sex was being performed out of obligation so as to continue with her new found lifestyle.
Here's an example of something that actually happen ...the day before our wedding anniversary I call her and said I'd like to take you to dinner tomorrow are you free and where would like to go .....she says ...sound great you pick it I don't care..... Next evening I get home tell her we need to leave in 45 min that we have reservations ...I shower get dressed ready to go ...get her into the car and start to head to the restaurant ....one of my favorites ...however its 45min to an hr away .....I get on the highway and she says where are we going ....I say wait and see .... but because the direction were headed she cant figure out where were going ....she says I really need to know .. .there a little back and forth about it being a surprise and I finally tell her... anticipating a really good reaction. ...immediately she starts doing the time math out loud ....that's an hr away and then an hour an half for dinner then an hr home. Can't we just go to the Thai place over by my office I'm really in the mood for Thai and I'm just not in the mood for long car ride ...blah blah. It was a Thursday night so yes we had to get up the next morning. We left the house 6:30-6:45 had a 7:45 Reservation puts you back at the house way before 11:00 no matter what.
I was mad on a couple of ground 1) I called and ask where she wanted to go 2) this is a place I really like and because of its distance we don't get there often and on weekends its always packed 3) on Monday night she got home somewhere between 12:30 and 2am time wasn't a big factor then.
Initially I think fuck it were going with the plan ....then I decide I really don't want to force anyone to go with me to an expensive restaurant....long silent car ride... long silent dinner service.... long silent car ride home ....so we had Thai ...she was very happy for who knows why ...very chatty ...me not so much. Home by 8:30. and under forty bucks
A couple of thoughts went through my head ..
1) If bf had called up and said I'd like to take you to this place she would have accepted and not thought twice about the ride ....more time to grope each other in the car.
2) how could she with a straight face talk about it getting too late.
3) maybe she was there Monday night
4) what is going on in her head ....pulling something like this on an anniversary
So we got home I changed and took the dog for a run ...long run ...we ( dog and I) ended up at a neighbors watching sports and having a few beers I get home at 11:30 she was asleep ...end of story. Happy anniversary ...
So you take this type incident, small facial gestures, less phone call during the day , etc, etc ... more of her "working Late" and one is left with an impression. I wasn't seeing it as Natural and normal. And then I think it starts to feed off itself in a circular fashion.
There have been plenty of people here that have said similar things about feeling things were being done out of obligation ...not a new story at all. And now is just down to a matter of degrees and duration.
I don't fantasize about others while having sex ...I'm way too focused on the partner at hand... at least it hasn't happened yet. In the throw of passion I have had that question thrown at me ....what are you thinking ....I always answer truthfully ...a long the lines of how good or great something felt ... do people say ...well I was thinking about Sam or Jill or Steve ? seems sort of rude but what do I know...just Ask Neon ...giving you much longer post then planned to rip on ....you'll get nice buzz from this baby.