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Old 08-30-2011, 09:23 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by MichelleZed View Post
I feel powerless in that way, too, like I've lost what I think he found worthy in me, if I've lost my maidenly body. I find it hard to believe that he likes me because I'm interesting. I'm really not.
Now we all know if that's what he found worthy in you, he isn't worthy of caring about. Time to spend some time working on your self esteem

I probably would've suggested talking to your husband about having feelings more before feeling out Sven's feelings about if he might want more, but I know both options are scary. I prefer my husband to talk to me about if he has feelings that are growing before he talks to a partner - ie if he's falling in love with somebody, I'd like to know at least a day before they know to process my feelings about it. Then again we are poly and not open.

I will say that if you speak with your husband and find out where he stands on more emotional relationships, then it's easier to be open with Sven about what the two of you might be able to have. This ambiguity and not knowing can be a killer. I imagine seeing pictures of him on FB with another woman would be much less stressful if you knew how he was really feeling about continuing a relationship with you. If you knew whether or not you two were over if he found somebody to date he really liked, etc etc.

This said, there are a couple conversations I should be brave enough to have myself soon here, so I know it's easier to give advice than follow it!
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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