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Old 08-30-2011, 06:55 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Default Jealousy

I get asked often and people ask often here about how to deal with jealousy and how to help their partners through it. I wrote a PM to someone recently and wanted to pass on what I said here... I think we have talked of jealousy on this thread before, but I can't find it.... excuse me if this is a bit of a repeat.

Walking through jealousy is all that can be done really.... It takes time, patience and a whole lot of consideration/empathy/compassion... from partners. Avoiding doesn't seem to make it go away and tends to prolong the process it seems.

Really jealousy is a culmination of many emotions that glob together and aim to confuse and make the person distraught. Sorting all of the emotions out and dealing with one at a time can be helpful. It seems that mostly jealousy is fear of loss and fear of change. There is also sometimes abandonment stuff in there for people also; not trusting that there will be enough time or love for them.

There is also sometimes a large component of realizing just how dependant one is on ones partner for some simple life things such as companionship. It seems that a partner that is feeling jealous and goes about finding others to spend time with, or spending time with themselves doing stuff they love, fair well once the jealous feelings pass. At some point its important to lesson the talking and getting about getting the jealous partner out to create a life that works by getting some of their needs met elsewhere or spreading out what they do to other people in their life.

Lastly there is a huge relief in jealousy sometimes if the person meets and gets to know the object of relationship desire that their partner is focussing on. Sometimes that is all it takes is to see that the big scary person that their partner is loving is just human and likely struggling with some stuff too.

It seems that setting boundaries, working together to pin point what the real issues are working on those, is the best bet to be able to walk through jealousy.
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