As I said, I think you are doing wonderfully well. You seem very level-headed and you are aware of your needs.
I understand your need for reassurance. It's very natural, especially when we've been programmed that we should be mono by society when not all of us are. I hope that you'll continue to ask for reassurance when you need it. I try to be very aware of my husband's need for reassurance and give it to him before he gets the point that he's desperate for it.
I believe you said that your wife is planning to join the board. I hope she'll read this thread. And that she'll understand how proud of you should ought to be.
And start opening your mind toward dating someone yourself. It's not retribution, it's what being poly is all about.
I'd also recommend the book Opening Up: a Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino. It's about more than poly, but it has good sections *about* poly.
Hang in there and keep up the good work.