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Old 08-30-2011, 05:34 AM
ispolyforme ispolyforme is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Los Angeles Area
Posts: 8
Default Their first night

Hello All,

I'm a mono male married to a poly female. We have been together for six years and married for almost five years. We have two boys, ages 3 and 1. My wife (she will be on the board shortly) was non-monogamous before she met me, but decided to try monogamy out for me. About a year ago, it became apparent that she wasn't fulfilled, and needed to be non-monogamous again. Her coming out to me has made the last six months really stressful. She was fighting to assert herself, and I was fighting to keep her to myself. Neither of us were really fulfilled because of the struggle and it created a rift between us. We weren't communicating about what we really needed, only butting heads.

About three months ago we invited our friend W to spend a couple months at our place because he was reassigned to a temporary job that was minutes from our home, but two hours commute from his. About a month ago, As W was packing up to move out, my wife was crying and admitted to me that she had fallen in love with him. Thus began my poly journey.

I struggled (am still struggling) with feelings of being replaced, jealousy, loss, changed expectations, ..., the whole gamut. I even gave my wife an ultimatum at one point, him or me. It was shortly after that time that she was able to show me how she had the ability to love more than one person at the same time. How I was irreplaceable, and how her love for W didn't diminish her love for me. And I believed her (can you believe that!?!)

I felt alone, like monogamous relationships shouldn't change into anything else, and then I found this forum. I discovered lots of people who had various experiences, some similar and some different, but all willing to work through the craziness for the sake of loving people they care about. For simply existing, I want to say thank you (or I hate you all, depending on how things turn out ), because without these stories, without feeling the existence of kindred spirits, I would not have allowed my wife to explore her poly side. I would have closeted her and kept her unhappy.

Well, tonight is their first scheduled night together and I'm dealing with it OK. W came over and brought ropes. It was really cute seeing them both excited to have a night to themselves. They are downstairs now. I went on a run to get out of the house for a while, and I had a conversation with my boss about some projects. But those things only took a couple hours, it's going to be like this all night. I guess I have to get used to having some time alone.

Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading.
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