View Single Post
  #5  
Old 08-30-2011, 04:38 AM
Seasnail's Avatar
Seasnail Seasnail is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 77
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I agree with MZ. I wouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill. If you had kissed him, probably would have made his day, but you didn't and so he pouted a little. Not your responsibility, and he'll get over it. I'm wonder about camping together, though. He might be hoping for more, and if he doesn't know about you and your lover, maybe he just thinks you're single. No biggie, I don't think.

I would talk to him before embarking on the camping trip (oh wait a minute, was the time you spent together with him this weekend already the camping trip?? Or is the trip upcoming? I'm confused!).

Well, in any event, if you do feel the need to talk to him, all you have to say to him is something like,"Hey, you know, I'm enjoying our friendship. But I just want to make sure you know my plate is full relationship-wise, and I'm not looking for more. I just want to be friends with you. You cool with that?" Boom, done. Rather than explaining poly or anything, just keep it simple.

Oh, and I have a friend is is very touchy-feely-kissy, and it was torture when I had a crush on him, but eventually the crush dissipated (almost) and I just leaned to enjoy it without worrying about what it meant or where it could lead. I'm pretty affectionate too, and will often reach out and stroke a person's shoulder or whatever. As long as your intention is clear and you're not feeling apprehensive about doing it, it won't give off the wrong vibe. What people do with their own fucked-up expectations about touch, in this touch-deprived society of ours, is their problem. Of course, we should always trust our intuition and not reach out to the wrong person if we get a really bad and dangerous vibe from them.
Nycindie, thankyou so much for the little boot of reality. (Yes, the camping trip WAS the time we spent together - and I was expecting my lover's girlfriend to be there, but she backed out at the last minute due to work.) I think I'll feel better when I'm sure that I've been clear about my intentions. I think the apprehension comes from wondering if I've given mixed signals. I certainly don't get a bad or dangerous vibe from him. He seems honourable and trustworthy.

I'm going to practice saying "I'm enjoying our friendship. But I just want to make sure you know my plate is full and I'm not looking for any new romantic relationships. I just want to be friends with you. You cool with that?" so that I'm ready for when I see him next (possibly at a BBQ next weekend at my lover's place.)
Reply With Quote