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Old 08-30-2011, 04:01 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I agree with MZ. I wouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill. If you had kissed him, probably would have made his day, but you didn't and so he pouted a little. Not your responsibility, and he'll get over it. I'm wonder about camping together, though. He might be hoping for more, and if he doesn't know about you and your lover, maybe he just thinks you're single. No biggie, I don't think.

I would talk to him before embarking on the camping trip (oh wait a minute, was the time you spent together with him this weekend already the camping trip?? Or is the trip upcoming? I'm confused!).

Well, in any event, if you do feel the need to talk to him, all you have to say to him is something like,"Hey, you know, I'm enjoying our friendship. But I just want to make sure you know my plate is full relationship-wise, and I'm not looking for more. I just want to be friends with you. You cool with that?" Boom, done. Rather than explaining poly or anything, just keep it simple.

Oh, and I have a friend is is very touchy-feely-kissy, and it was torture when I had a crush on him, but eventually the crush dissipated (almost) and I just leaned to enjoy it without worrying about what it meant or where it could lead. I'm pretty affectionate too, and will often reach out and stroke a person's shoulder or whatever. As long as your intention is clear and you're not feeling apprehensive about doing it, it won't give off the wrong vibe. What people do with their own fucked-up expectations about touch, in this touch-deprived society of ours, is their problem. Of course, we should always trust our intuition and not reach out to the wrong person if we get a really bad and dangerous vibe from them.
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 08-30-2011 at 04:07 AM.
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