Originally Posted by nllswing
Longing, sometimes people honestly believe that they can fit in a strictly monogamous life with a love one and rely on fantasies and/or masturbation to cope with their desires for sexual variety. As the years go by, it becomes more clear to them that this is hard or impossible. Even of one is extra strong and never "touches" others, having unfulfilled desires can still result in penetrating unhappiness and can put toll on the family happiness.
I am so
learning this in my life! I keep reminding myself that my husband's being honest and open with me is a sign of his respect for me. But, Longing, the communication thing is incredibly stressful and... freeing.
For us we talk all the time, I will not meekly give up my marriage, this is my third marriage and the other two lasted about 2 years, our 11 year anniversary is in October.... I know
what we have is worth fighting for... the thing is I am learning that a lot of "our" problems over the years have been MY
problems for real... not a fun place. I am still very new to this and can't give much advice on long term transitions... but I can say that for me... journal (which I don't like to do but it really is helping) and talk until you feel like you will vomit purple poly bullshit at the merest hint of another serious conversation..
then have it anyway..
there are also a lot of life story blogs on here which have made quite a difference for me in my understanding of all of this, maybe it can help you too.