I feel a lot of the feelings you have, when I'm with Butch. I am a temporary "transition woman" for him. Our relationship will most likely end in one of 2 ways: he will either find a full-time girl, or he will die. (He has a heart condition
). I always know that I have to make the most of the present moment, with him, because it will inevitably end in loss. But going into the future in my head, I will feel the pain twice! I can't afford it, emotionally. It robs me of the time I DO have with him. No way am I giving up that, to fears of the future. That is only terrorizing and torturing myself. Today is so precious, I try to hang onto it and suck it all up while I can (in other areas of my life as well, but especially
I am so grateful to my husband, knowing that he will be there to help me through the grief someday. I ask him every now and then, "You'll help me get through it, right??" He is awesome. Sounds like you've got a gem, too!
The love you have for Sven is never lost. He may move on, but he takes that part of you with him always. How cool is that? How gracious and loving to let someone move on when they feel it is the right thing for them to do. Someday, you may feel extremely proud of yourself for this. (If you must go into the future, try going here, it always helps me.