neurotic over thinking
I tend to be neurotic when it comes to my relationships. I worry what people think about me, being rejected, giving people the wrong impression...etc. It can get pretty annoying and even when I KNOW I'm doing it...it's really hard to stop myself.
So I'd like to give a little background. I have been on and off anti-depressants since high school. Sometimes they help, sometimes they don't. I've gone to therapy a few times, but often I find it's not doing much for me..nothing really applicable to my problems. Last year I spend a week in outpatient at a psychiatric hospital because many many things were getting to me and it was too much. While I was there I learned some good coping skills, saw a psychiatrist, and was put on some medication that has been keeping me stable for this past year. They diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder; which it was scary (and still is sometimes) to have such a diagnosis other than "depression" in general.
Anyway, that's probably important to my most recent problem. >.> So here goes with the reason for this thread. I came home tonight and just was screaming in my head "WHY AM I SUCH A STUPID GIRL?" Why? Well I over think things with J-kun. I know better, I do, but that doesn't mean that I don't get down when he doesn't return a call or a text.
The last time this happened he apologized the next day because - like I knew was probably the case - he was busy. So tonight was a doubly long night at work as not only was it a slow boring Sunday night...I was hoping to hang out with him afterward but wasn't able to get a hold of him.
I was all mopey on the way home, but I'm trying to take a step back and go...seriously...stop it. You need to relax. Let things go slow, don't force this stuff.
I am soooo freaking lucky to have my husband though. He is very supportive, he knows me, knows my stupid mopey reactions, and tries to make me feel better. He gets happy when I'm happy and is supportive when things do work out. I just can only hope I can do as well for him...