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Old 08-29-2011, 06:38 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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It is nice to hear from you mr. male half.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Anneintherain,

You are a little hard to pin down.... Good idea/match or insane ....big difference. The problem with your idea is she can't trust her self ....the razor blade talks to her. You said yourself that you struggled with depression as the result of relationship trouble....she's already got depression and is struggling with the relationship.....I get being diplomatic and positive but what about reality. What advice would you give a close friend or sister with the same facts?
So dingedheart - While I see somebody that is depressed at the moment about how complicated things are, her post were all very well reasoned, she has obviously thought this through quite a bit, has had poly experiences before that were a mix of good and bad. She seems to have a great grasp on the pros and cons for her and her current situation, and very importantly, although she is focused on what her bf wants, they obviously are negotiating very reasonably (making sure it isn't a OPP, making sure that both parties have equal opportunities for other relationships without letting the D/s dynamic get in the way), even though things aren't perfect, the fact that they might have different longterm goals for what they want is out in the open, so they have a comfort level to be honest with each other, and it seems like they aren't just saying what they think the other person wants to hear in order to get what they want, which is vital for success.

I would tell my sister if she was in this situation, that from what I've heard, it sounds like a loving supportive relationship, and that I was there for them if they needed any advice or support from me. I would say if they decided they did not want to date others, to not fake it, and if it became too much with their SO dating others, to admit it to them ASAP and to figure out where to go from there. (another edit: any my sister, at least the last time we spoke on it, was on antidepressants, and has been suicidal in years past, and that would not change my advice in this situation as far as I can tell, unless it seemed she was feeling like that again because of the situation)

edit: OP is probably wishing they hadn't admitted they were depressed. There were a couple of times I felt that depressed a couple of years ago, but it did not mean I required some sort of intervention. She doesn't seem to be constantly battling with it, and I don't feel it's coloring everything she has said here. They aren't jumping into dating other people yesterday, they have a goal of October. I didn't get any impression that if she was getting more and more miserable she would hide it from her boyfriend and do something drastic, but that she can talk to him about it, and he is being as supportive as he can. Maybe I am way off base but I didn't think stopping all activity towards poly was going to make everything magically better, so I didn't feel that was advice I would give.
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Last edited by Anneintherain; 08-29-2011 at 08:40 PM.
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