Talked to Sven online today! We chatted about casual things, but it was still nice to feel like things haven't broken down between us.
It's a lot of stress to see if I can maintain something with him; often, I just think I should take a deep breath and accept things the way they are. I'm married to a wonderful man, I had casual sex with a great guy, and if that's over, well, it's been fun, and soon I'll have a baby. Why am I trying to make it into something else?
Other times, I look into Sven's smiling face and I just don't want it to end, ever. The way he kisses me, oh god. Every time, I wonder if that'll be the last time. It would be nice if I could kiss him just once not thinking, "This is the last time we'll do this."
OOOOH and I forgot to include a fun detail to freak you guys all out: the three of us are all co-workers. True story.