Originally Posted by Bahalana
I'm getting dizzy from reading this thread. How many circles can we talk in at once? I think almost everyone who has replied has said essentially the same thing (and I'm paraphrasing here), "I do what I want for my own reasons, and everyone else is of course entitled to do the same". At least we all agree on that, unfortunately nobody asked anyone if they used the term secondary and why. The original post had four questions and almost nobody has even attempted to answer them.
Hahahaha ... Welcome to the forum.
There seems to be another issue at play here. Some want a different word to describe the different relationship with a (different) second person, yet still want everything to be absolutely, perfectly equal between those different partners. Not possible. Different people means different relationships, means sometimes one partner gets more or less of any given thing in the relationship.
Everyone should be treated fairly
, not equally.
To get back to Annabel's questions (as numbered by Bahalana):
1. Yes. Sweetie, BF/GF, partner, OSO, lover ... the list goes on and on and on.
2. Absolutely inevitable. People are morons. They're also awesome, but it only takes 1 "aw shit" to cancel out 1000 "attaboys".
3. Perhaps those using the terms described above? Or those who decide not to use Primary/Secondary labels??
4. Yes. We get to do what we want in our own lives, for better or worse. Perhaps "the community" can give examples of times when they haven't used the secondary label, and what was used in its place so that those who object to its use IN THEIR LIVES have ideas for what they would like to call their relationships.
So, keeping #4 in mind, I call my second partner my boyfriend. But, we've been together for a while now, the three of us live together, and boyfriend is starting to feel like a juvenile label. TO ME, "boyfriend" does not describe the depth of our relationship. I imagine at some point in the nearish future, I will want to make the switch to partner or (other) significant other, and of course, this will only happen after talking to Mr. A.