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Old 10-26-2009, 02:29 AM
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Legion Legion is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 114

Well I wouldn't want it said I left a lady unsatisfied

So here's some more of the current story. I continued to live with Nyx, but was looking for a place. Well, I was sort of looking for a place but being kind of picky, not just moving in anywhere. I liked living with her but I felt like if I was going to be dating other women I definitely would have to have my own place because she could hardly stand the thought of me being with anyone else, so being with someone else in the space that was "ours" or "hers" (our apt.) would have been just that much further over the line that had already been crossed.

warning: tangent ahead!
My thoughts at the time and even now to some extent are that I would just have to live the way I want to and she would adapt or not. This of course raises some great debate because on one hand it is a very self-centered and inflexible approach. "I'm doing whatever the heck I want and you can deal with it."
But on the other hand, I have spent a lot of my life realizing you can't live your life to please people. Or maybe I can't. I like to please others, I want to please others. I can generally work other people's desires into my own agenda. Giving someone a massage is a good example, or making a quiche for someone. The pleasure I derive from those things is not just about the other person's enjoyment. It's that I created it. It was my mad quiche skilZ or massage skilZ, it's an ego boost that I did something that was pleasing.
I'm a firm believer that everyone is selfish. My Mother Teresa hypothesis: Mother Teresa did a bunch of stuff for people, giving them food or medicine or whatever, sure. Really selfless, right? Wrong. She did that because it was fulfilling. It made her happy, it made her feel good to see those happy little shining faces, to bring a moment of joy to some poor sick child. Motivation comes from within, from getting that reward. I open doors for people on occassion. Why? Because I like it. I like the smile. I like feeling that I am affirming or restoring someone's faith in humanity a skotch. I like to realize I'm not in a hurry, that I can go through the door second or even fifth.

So back to the debate. Should you adjust yourself to fit other people? Compromise? I think you should, but only if you can do it and feel good about it. And maybe even then not all the time. It's not too good for you or anyone else to get what they want all the time. It's nice to have to fight a little, to be challenged. I have to go here in a second, so I will write more another time, but I leave you with the old Arabic curse:
"May your every wish be instantly granted."
Often he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been rent asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him...and he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.
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