Originally Posted by ray
I have no issue if some one likes using the word secondary to describe THEIR relationship. I don't want to use it to describe MY relationships. In addition, I am fully aware that I have a difficult time with loverly relationships of a non-primary nature. I have decided not to engage in them for the time being. I like to throw myself in whole-heartedly and that can be problematic in that role. Why is it so terrible for some of us to want a new, less-loaded term? I mean, seriously.... I feel like those of you who like the term are being a bit condescending in telling us that we just have problems and there's nothing wrong with the word period. There ARE legit concerns with this word that extend beyond a few people's "issues." If the word works for you, awesome! But let the rest of us ponder how we might find a solution that is good for us. We are all being responsible adults recognizing something that doesn't do it for us. Let us go about finding a solution both in dealing with our own issues and exploring the terminology.
Let the rest of you ponder,....
Uhhhh,..you ARE more then able to do as you please. This was a thread started with questions for ALL thoughts, not just yours and any cheerleading squad.
The question posed a 'we as the community', and other options. The objections have been solely on the concept of EVERYONE (community) having to change.
I dont think even ONE poster wrote anything to the effect that people can't do what they want in their own relationships. No one said anything as terrible.
What you have heard is various view points.
- Why people are not ok with the word,
- Why people won`t use it,
- Why people are ok with the word,
- Why they don't have a problem,
- and from me: On maybe stretching the brain a little, and seeing why it is such a touchy subject. Possibly dealing with the hurt, not the word.
That was offered as a option. We all have words that affect us negatively sometimes. It can do a lot of good to look deeper.
If you dont want to look deeper, thats fine. If you or anyone doesn`t agree, well,..don`t agree.
Debate and consensus come from all avenues, not just the ones you want to see.
Also try and remember there are a LOT of people who not only are fine with that label, but who DO NOT desire to be loved as a primary, or in a primary role. Many times, things going on in their own lives ( raising children, demanding career, etc.) cause them to decide that they have time for a secondary role, not a primary one.
I had a very social weekend, and asked anyone I could what they thought of that word. I was around single people, married people, a real mix, and most were strangers.
Genneral consensus was :' It`s not what people say, it`s what people do.'
If a new label truly
makes you feel better, go for it. Most people are objecting to the proposed thought, of the 'community' needing to change based on some planned movement. If a word really is a problem, majority will rule naturally and the tides will shift, due solely to the volume of people exhibiting a problem.