I think I was on this forum a long time ago but can't remember my old log on info so created a new profile/handle.
I am 32/m/CA. I think I started being taught to be monogamous so I was trying but finally I had an "epiphany" moment and have been continuing to follow my heart ever since. I'm not sure if I'm technically "poly" or maybe something else, I'm just looking to do what feels right and build my ability to love and accept love.
I am currently casually dating 2 girls, one of whom has a husband she is NOT romantically involved with though they live together and a b/f with whom she IS romantically involved. L.'s b/f is open minded but not naturally poly so he's been going through some personal hell trying to deal w/ us dating. I have talked w/ him a bit and he's reasonable enough it's just rough on him.
My other romantic interest, B., is single and told me she likes to "sleep with one person at a time because otherwise it gets complicated." but I've been clear about being poly and she says she has no problem with it, I can do what I like.
I had another lover, Nyx, who recently broke up w/ me. It was about the 6th or so time she had gotten to the point of wanting our relationship to be over. All the other times I continued to talk with her, we worked our way over the rough spots and came out together on the other side. But just prior to the last break up I had a conversation with L's b/f in which I confessed some of my doubts and fears, one of which was that maybe Nyx shouldn't be with me, maybe I should just let her go instead of trying so hard to keep being involved with her, esp. when she obviously kept trying to get out of our relationship. Things hadn't changed. Well, not true. Things had changed, but somehow it wasn't enough and the next time she called she was quite lucid in her declaration and reasoning for not wanting to be with me, so I didn't argue, I just let her go and left her alone.
My situation now is that I am happy with my life, I think everything will work out fine one way or the other. I am a bit distraught sometimes being disconnected from my lover but she has her own path and wants to walk it without me, at least for the time being. I am here to interact with other people who may or may not be like me, and hopefully reveal some more of my truth in the process.
Those are my main and current loves. I have about a half a dozen other women in my life that I have various loves in my heart for, two are married monogamously, and as I mentioned before most of them are monogamous, whether married or not. I sometimes think of love as a seed or a plant and that we can help it grow or let it wither. I wrote a poem for one of my loves, which I never gave her. It's sort of unfinished...because it's a poem about beginnings it has no middle or end to itself. Let me see if I can find it....here it is:
A seed was planted
I don't know when
maybe the first time I saw you
or maybe it was always there
waiting for me to see you
Often he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been rent asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him...and he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.
Last edited by Legion; 10-26-2009 at 02:05 AM.
Reason: to add more!