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Old 08-28-2011, 06:58 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I don't see any responses here telling you to dump him. ???

When I said it seemed fucked up, I guess I could've find a better adjective. I just meant that he keeps changing his mind about what he wants and is basically yanking you around, especially because you are so uncertain about what you want for yourself and you are scared to talk to him about it. And I really see a need for you to expand your life a little beyond this relationship. Without establishing a true, strong sense of self, you may be headed toward real dependency in this situation. Maybe you aren't really ready for actively being a submissive until you are stronger in knowing who you are, and have a handle on your depression. From what I've read and been told about D/s relationships, it's the sub who's really "in charge" and the Dom who has been given a gift and should handle that privilege very carefully. This kind of dynamic could be a disaster for you until you are more sure of yourself and what you want in life, and he has a better handle on his responsibility toward nurturing your self-growth through his relationship with you. That's why I say, "spread your wings, grow, find out what else life has to offer you," etc. Also, I am sure there are kink-friendly therapists out there, though it may take some doing to find one.

You've only posted here a couple of days ago and received a few responses. Surely there are more opinions that you will find helpful -- but what are you looking for? Do you want to be told what to do? We can only offer our opinions based on what you've written.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 08-28-2011 at 07:36 PM.
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