View Single Post
Old 08-28-2011, 06:31 AM
DrunkenPorcupine's Avatar
DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 175

I take the opposite opinion than the original poster.

I am highly individual centric and selfish. I remove the negative connotation from that word; some people struggle with it.

So let's say "motivated by rational self-interest" instead.

I do not own anybody. That seems like slavery and I've found that many people who reject the idea that they can own somebody grip quite tightly to the "my girlfriend" or "my wife" thing. Some believe that a relationship REQUIRES people fall into the mutual-ownership thing. I find that destructive.

Now, I'm not saying that regard to other partners is a bad thing. I believe the assumption that one MUST is destructive, but regard that level of respect as a positive.

My current partner has three partners other than myself, with varying levels of sexual, emotional and financial commitment with each of them an myself. She and I share probably the closest EMOTIONAL bond of all of her partners, but probably the weakest sexually. To me, she is the sexiest most arousing woman I've ever met and she knows (and appreciates) this. But the sexual attraction she has toward me is far more intimate than arousing. We make love, but when she wants to fuck, she prefers one of two other partners. This disconnect isn't really a problem to me (I am quite satisfied with our relationship) but it does exist.

So, she often communicates with me far more than I need to feel comfortable. Her communication doesn't make me UNCOMFORTABLE, just the opposite. The fact that she WILLINGLY puts my thoughts and feelings into the forefront of ALL of her relationships makes me feel amazed. Do I own her? Nope, and I don't expect her to EVER ask my PERMISSION to do anything. But sometimes she does, because she knows it affects me. It's far more genuine to me than if she felt she "had to" engage in that level of communication.

We can pick any partners that we want, and we don't need permission from each other. One of my boundaries when my ex-wife and I first opened our relationship was that we do NOT pick each other's partners. While I've evaluated and eliminated some of my boundaries over time, that one will always be there. It's at the very core of the individual values that I have. I would be offended and QUICKLY break off any relationship where someone felt I needed their permission in order to pursue my own happiness.

With that is also the understanding that our actions have very SERIOUS impacts on not just one but a CHAIN of people. Were I, or any of my partners, willing to disregard that impact by making a destructive emotional, sexual or financial decision, it would not break "my rules", it would change the very perception I have of them. Even of the point of me needing to end that relationship. With all of that in mind, my partners have all been respectful, thoughtful, considerate and in general...

Worthy of being my partner.
Connection is the path to passion. Passion is not the path to connection.
Reply With Quote