I suspect there are significant differences between those who are comfortable with the term "secondary" and those who are not comfortable with the term, in relation to how we conceive of loverly relationships. In my own case, if I am truly in love with someone, and we have become in some sense partners in life (which, I think, is what loverly relationships fundamentally are, at least for me), I'd want to be equal in importance, love, value... with my partner's other partners -- even if there are significant differences, e.g., if he or she lived with one or more of the partners while I did not. I'd simply want--and need--equal status in any partnership relationship. (Being equal in love status is not necessarily to be equal in time spent together, etc. This comes down to worth/value/affection/commitment.)
That said, perhaps there is the possibility that I may in some future time have a relationship which straddles a fence, which is between casual friendship and partnership, somewhere, and in which there is sexual / erotic activity and deep affection. I'm exploring whether I want or need such relationships. I do not at present have such a relationship. And yet I'm not closed to this possibility. I'm sure I have no interest in "casual sex" or "no strings attached" sex, or "fuckbuddies" and the like. My sexality is simply too much connected with my heart, emotions, feelings, spiritual life..., to treat it overly casual.
I'll have to admit, though, in this context of inquiry that I find myself quite attracted to a very new friend, whom I barely yet know. A guy, this time. And this sort of attraction sort of throws a monkey wrench in my thinking (and experience) about relationships at this time. It's impossible to know or guess how things will unfold; yet I do know I now have three people who need to be considered in all that I do, for I now have two life partners (and there is myself as the third person). And I'm committed to each of them/us profoundly. (It is not precisely clear to me how many romantic life partners I can take on, nor how wise or unwise it might be to bring two new ones in at the same time. This seems risky, at the least. But maybe I can have something "light" with this new person? and it may cause no harm(?)) Life must be some sort of grand experiment, no?
Last edited by River; 08-27-2011 at 06:23 PM.