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Old 08-26-2011, 11:06 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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There's been some interesting threads lately. One asking about any divides in the poly community, and others talking about terminology and how certain words impact people (omniamory, secondary, etc.).

I am resurrecting this thread because what's on my mind mostly, when I think about my choice to live polyamorously, is my status as a solo person trying to have a poly life. Lots of good stuff in this thread, if one wants to read through it. What stood our for me:
Quote:
Originally Posted by tigrrrlily View Post
i want to get involved with certain INDIVIDUALS, and i don't mind, in principle, if those individuals are also seeing other people - living together, occasionaly, whatever.
. . . I'm not looking for a combination or a situation. I'm looking for people. Precisely, to relate to people, to relate as fully as possible to as many people as possible who i have that spark with. How many people that is and how fully isn't build into me or lover/s but into circumstance . . . bottom line, which I think we agree on, is that coupling or tripling are not the only ways of being poly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
I would like the privilege of building a life and making those decisions in partnership. This doesn't mean that I desire monogamy or exclusivity. I have appreciated all of the relationships I've had in all of their different forms. But I have yet to be able to find a long term poly relationship where I wouldn't have to cede that privilege to partners who are already coupled in a primary way or are couples themselves.

My point is that poly communities with their couple-centric views tend to make finding such things harder for those of us who are not "coupled".

. . . Most of the book is geared towards people who are already in couples, as is most of the literature out there on poly . . . I often feel that single poly people are marginalized within the poly community . . . If the pronouns you use in the context of the relationship are still "we", "us" and "ours" while mine are still "I", "me", and "mine", I can't find balance that way.
There still seems to be this idea out there, which I have found directed toward me, that if I do not have a partner or spouse then all my relationships are casual, and not committed. That, for me, seems the biggest divide. For those who are unpartnered or unmarried and not necessarily seeking one primary, it seems people always want to put you in some other category, like unicorn (another word I dislike) or "just fucking around." Add to that the fact that I'm straight woman, and therefore not interested in being a unicorn, no one seems to know what to do with me, LOL!

I would love to hear from other single or solo poly people, male or female, about their experiences in pursuing poly.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 08-26-2011 at 11:38 PM.
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