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Old 08-26-2011, 09:54 PM
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justlost justlost is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rocky Mtn. Front Range
Posts: 38

It’s been a rough few days…

My birthday was weird for me. Entertaining both our families while they were outside smoking and talking. The pitying looks from our children (ages 15-25) was a bit difficult to deal with, I didn’t know what to do except try and pretend that everything is ok, that I am happy with this and happy with their developing relationship…

which I am … sorta… sometimes…

Watching Pixie & Khas getting closer is hard enough, but it seems like every time we try to have any kind of intimacy Khas brings up Pixie in one way or another. The thing is… I know their relationship is growing and I know that means I have to adjust, but can't I fuck my partner without having to be reminded of the mental image of what he wants to do with/to her???

We have talked about it and I'm sure he will stop, he said I am being confusing, since apparently I sometimes bring it up myself so he doesn't know what I want. Which actually makes me laugh because somehow not being alone in the land of confusion is a blessing.

Well I don’t have to adjust, but I am choosing too.

So trying to stay engaged is becoming a challenge… this hurts and I want to hide. I want to stop caring about either of them; I want them to just find their feet in their relationship and then go away and leave me alone.

I don’t even know what to do right now, even in my journal I sound like a whiny, jealous, possessive immature asshole….
Dance in the rain...
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