Wow! Thanks everyone
He hasn't had any physical tests done, no. That is a good idea though. He has agreed to try a different therapist which may help. Our current one only wants to deal with PE and not the other issues.
We are going on holiday today and will be away from everything, internet, tv the works. We plan on chatting a lot, taking long walks, reading, and just trying to figure things through.
The week we get back I have an appointment with a therapist who specialises in polyamory. I really need to get my own head sorted and to unpack everything. What do I need? What will make me happy? Can I live like this? If I work on myself a bit, then I can re-invest in couples therapy again. I have spent all nine years of our relationship worrying about him and our relationship but I have forgotten myself. It has finally bitten me - and us - on the bum.
I'll keep you posted when I get back. All of your responses have helped a lot!