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Old 08-26-2011, 11:19 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 5,514

Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
I think I might be able to understand where some of your husband's confusion came from; if he thinks anything like me staying in for a movie is not "upping the intimacy". I don't see how staying in versus going out is more intimate. It may be that in his mind it wasn't, where in yours it is.
Again, really? Being out in a public place is just as intimate as cuddling on the couch alone? There is more opportunity and privacy for sexual activities home on the couch than out playing a game of pool together. This is the obvious point. It takes more trust as well. Trust between the couple on the date, and trust for the primary left at home for both of the ones on the date.

That is why I always meet a new person out in public for at least the first date.

from the Practical Polyamory website, advice for a couple just opening their marriage, where one is poly and the other mono:

If your partner does agree to give it a try, this is where baby steps are important. (Note:Inaction and foot dragging do not count as baby steps.) Don't expect them to deal well with it if the first thing you propose is going away for the weekend with someone else. Instead, make a first date with someone else for coffee in the afternoon or on a week night instead of dinner on Saturday night, which holds too much significance as a
"date night". Don't stay gone more than a couple of hours. Come home when you say you will, and be attentive to your partner. Check in on how they are feeling and be open to listening to what they are feeling...

After your partner is reasonably comfortable with your having dates for coffee, acknowledge that it's time to move on to the next step of the plan. Make a dinner date for a week night (no sex!) and come home when you promise...

Accountability and integrity on everyone's part will greatly increase your chances for success. Prove to them in everything you do that they can trust you.
In this case, she trusted they'd be out on a date in public. Instead, they stayed in. The husband didn't do what he said he would, changed plans and didn't inform her til after the fact. He wasn't accountable, and he didn't inspire trust.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years
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