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Old 08-26-2011, 08:23 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146

Originally Posted by Allstar View Post
I see this all the time. It is very true. But there are some of us monos that have not and will not cheat. I think it comes down to a respect issue most of the time. If you have the highest level of respect for your partner it is highly unlikely you will cheat on them.
It'd be nice if it was that simple, wouldn't it?

Many people don't figure out that they're poly until they've struggled with monogamy for a good long time, dealing with guilt, self-disappointment, and self-hatred for not being able to make these feelings for someone else "just go away." That's my story.

For a long time, I thought that only weak-willed, amoral, disrespectful people would ever cheat, and then I fell head-over-heels for someone else, and the temptation was almost more than I could bear. I managed, somehow, never to start anything with that other woman, but it took absolutely everything I had, and it made me start to resent my marriage (even though I love my wife). I finally understood why someone who really, honestly, loves and respects his partner might cheat--especially if he didn't know of an ethical alternative.

Even now, as I struggle to open my marriage without losing it, I suffer from temptation. It can be real torment sometimes, and I count myself lucky that the woman upon whom I had a crush never made any overtures of her own--I don't think I could have withstood the combined force of my own emotions as well as raging hormones in the moment.
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