And another thing... it seems like people don't expect secondary relationships to be strong and healthy. Is it just that so many aren't? Is it really so unusual that even though my gf is married, she's never tried to hide our relationship from our friends, she told her parents when it came down to that or us hiding from them, and that she's even shared it with some of her coworkers? Is it so unusual that her husband has never tried to limit our expressions of emotional or physical intimacy, that he welcomes me?
Is it just that I ask for so little that I never bump up against boundaries that would wound me? I don't insist on much of anything in particular... I make my needs and desires known when I think they can reasonably be fulfilled, and generally stay quiet about them when I realize they can't.
I'm a naturally giving person, assertive yet submissive (a sexual and relational tendency that Gia particularly brings out in me and that I find delightful when I can indulge it), and independent. Without those qualities, would this relationship model work?