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Old 08-26-2011, 12:04 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by kidsoul View Post
Ever the provocateur nycindie?
Nail. On. Head.

Originally Posted by kidsoul View Post
The point is taken though. I've been worried about being able to convey my thoughts in a conversational tone. In a way that would be advance the dialog, and avoid increasing the emotional temperature.

Ha! I've just realized something--my behavior indicates that I am a person that seeks to avoid conflict.
Well, the conflict is already there even if no one speaks about it. That the conflict exists (you want something different than what they want) can't really be avoided.

What you can avoid is blaming. I don't think it's a bad thing if, when you speak to them/her, you become emotional or angry or frustrated or whatever. That would be staying true to yourself. But you can deliver even the most difficult of communications while remaining calm and not making anyone the "bad guy." It just takes focusing on what you need to say and staying in the present moment -- rather than going off into some imagined scenario in your head about how your message will be received or what's going to happen to you or the unfairness of it all. AND listening. Without really hearing what someone is saying to you, you can't really communicate back. But it is listening to the subtext as well as the words. For example, if the husband says, "I don't feel comfortable with you tongue-kissing my wife," I would ask "What are you afraid of?" rather than just accept it as a boundary. They might still want those boundaries, or shut down and not answer, but at least you did your part in making an effort to have a productive discussion of the situation.
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Last edited by nycindie; 08-26-2011 at 12:06 AM.
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