Hi and welcome!
First of all, I doubt very much that your hubs didn't benefit from your having a bf. Second of all, why do you have the idea that you were supposed to "change your feelings" about your bf? Your feelings are your feelings and perfectly valid. No one can tell you how to feel, that would be a dictatorship and doesn't keep feelings from happening anyway.
What exactly is the "mess" in your marriage you're referring to? Specificity helps in getting constructive responses.
The world opens up... when you do.
Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein