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Old 08-25-2011, 10:29 PM
kidsoul kidsoul is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Boston
Posts: 10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Honestly, not a single kiss during this entire time? And weekly one-on-one dates? I marvel your self-control.
Kisses on the arm, hand and cheek, but not the lips. Hugs, but no crotch touching or boob fondling.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Why next month, why not now?
Couple the fact that he's a workaholic, and that there's been so much on his plate in the past few months; lay offs at work, his sister getting divorced, his nephew being placed in drug rehab. Whether he used these as excuses to delay matters is debatable. It's water under the bridge at this point. But the upshot is he hasn't had the bandwidth to process these changes, and only now has become comfortable with the current configuration. His wife wants to approach him after the labor day vacation, when he's going to be a relaxed and good place.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
You write that the opening up of her marriage was difficult. Did the three of you at any point, while making and agreeing to the boundaries/rules, discuss a schedule?
We are all new to poly. We've been stumbling forward. The only agreements have been made between her and him. We three have never sat down to discuss boundaries and rules or schedules.

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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Did you in the beginning of the relationship imagine the two of you still only holding hands after eight months? Is that what you signed up for?
No! I want to exercise a fully articulated romantic relationship with this woman. I honestly believed that we'd be further along by now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
What if next month, you are allowed to kiss her? Will you be content with that for another nine months?
Thank you for asking these questions! It's forcing me to calmly introspect. I'd be a roiling cauldron of negative emotions if we were only allowed to kiss in the next nine months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Very strict boundaries that are enforced "for now" seem to lead into frustration and/or cheating. I understand the gratitude you feel for her husband for even considering this, and since you and especially your SO are the "bad guys" here, having broken the monogamous promise she gave to her husband, it might feel like you really are in no position to make demands. But at some point, you will have to start considering your own emotional health.
Well said.
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