I had another very striking dream last night.
Some background first -- Jay is Davis's best dude-friend and also a long-time friend of mine, though I've never been close to him. I think Jay is hot and sweet and have told Davis this. I would never tell Jay that, though, because I wouldn't want to make things weird. It's a shame, really, because I think it might be a nice thing for him to hear... he has low self-esteem and is so antsy about people getting close that I was just saying to Davis the other day that I would feel like I was intruding if I even tried to hug the poor guy.
Thea is an old, good friend of mine who I once had a crush on and once had a drunken makeout with but, alas, never anything more. She told me that if she had "an ounce of lesbian" in her she'd be on me "in a heartbeat," which always stuck with me.
In the dream, I was with a big group of friends and everyone was being weirdly sexual towards me in a way that felt unwelcome and creepy. I felt like maybe they thought that because I was poly it was all cool. There was a flirty vibe going on between me, Jay and Thea, and that was the one part of it all that I was ok with, that felt respectful.
Finally I had to leave the room because I was feeling too upset. Jay came out after me and gave me a look that said he understood and we hugged. When we pulled back he looked at me appraisingly and said "Is there something we should be talking about?" I knew he was referring to the flirting happening between me and him and Thea.
I said "There are several excellent reasons why nothing's gonna happen, but... yeah, we can definitely talk." Then I woke up.
Soooooo... between this and the other dream about an old crush, am I coming to terms with my boundaries with Davis and saying goodbye to the possibility of anything happening with all the folks who are still lingering in my mental "yum" file? Is this more about the fact that I never communicated things and never resolved things with these people, and the stress of leaving things hanging in terms of my feelings for Eric is coming out this way? Both, neither?